Be Careful What Mutts Wish For
by KonekoTsuki
Summary: Joey is granted one wish that he believes is nothing more than a joke, but Seto Kaiba isn’t laughing when he finds himself in the body of a helpless kitten. Can he trust his canine enemy long enough to return to his former self? NonYaoi
1. Feline Foes

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership to Yu-Gi-Oh! or its characters. This fic is entirely of my own creation, please refrain from stealing from it! (Asking permission is a different story).

Summary: Joey is granted one wish that he believes is nothing more than a joke, but Seto Kaiba isn't laughing when he finds himself in the body of a helpless kitten. Can he trust his canine enemy long enough to return to his former self? (Non-Yaoi)

Warnings: Nothing to warn you of as of yet…. That may change in future chapters. Probably not, though…

Notes:

'Kitty speech'

"Normal speech"

/Hikari to Yami/

/Yami to Hikari/

"_Thoughts_"

(Random authoress remarks)

Seto: It's about time you got off your tail and wrote something…

KT: Nyaha… Shut up.

Seto: I was hoping that just once you'd choose to torment someone other than myself.

KT: Ha! Not happening any time soon, my little muse! You're just so versatile!

Seto: Why must I be so perfect?

KT: Nope, you're not conceited or anything…

Chapter 1: Feline Foes

"Joey, don't you think you've had more than enough hamburgers?" Tea Gardener asked in an irritated voice.

Joey grinned at Tea as he continued to shove the burgers into his mouth. "Nfft awt awll," he answered with his mouth full. His friends blinked in confusion as they attempted to decipher what he had said. Swallowing the food quickly, he repeated himself in a more coherent manner. "Not at all, Tea. I'm just getting started!"

Yugi laughed at Joey's comment. "Yea, Tea, it's his birthday, let him eat all he wants." Cheerfully, Yugi pushed another tray of hamburgers towards Joey and received a grateful smile in return.

Tea sighed, shaking her head. "This is turning out to be a very expensive birthday present," she remarked. She gazed wistfully at her purse as if saying a final farewell to the small handful of twenties tucked away inside.

Tristan waved a scolding finger at Tea. "That's what you get for not buying Joey a normal present from a store!"

"Yea," Duke agreed with a smirk on his face, "you could have gotten a bunch of duel monsters cards instead. Everyone has to accept the consequences of their actions."

"And what did _you_ get him, Duke?" Tea asked acidly. Duke stared at her, blinking frequently as he tried to come up with an answer. Tristan chuckled to himself at Duke's predicament but stopped as Tea shifted her gaze to him. "And what about you, Tristan?"

Tristan's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I'll pay for some of the burgers," he mumbled, shooting Duke a 'You better as hell pay too!' look.

Yugi laughed softly at the playful arguing while hugging the box of decently rare cards he'd picked out for Joey. The blonde glared at his friends reproachfully. A sinister grin crept across his face. "Well," he began thoughtfully, eyeing them, "if you're all going to pay, I think I'll just order a hundred more burgers."

"What!" Tea Tristan and Duke yelped in surprise.

As the three began to stammer at the price of so many hamburgers, Joey started to laugh. "I'm kidding," he reassured them, "I'm already full. No more burgers for me for a few hours." The trio sighed in relief as they stood up and walked off to the counter to pay the bill.

Yugi held the box out to Joey with a small smile. "Here, Joey, you can open your present."

"Thanks, Yug!" Joey said gleefully as he took the box.

Yugi laughed, scratching the back of his spiky hair. "Don't thank me unless you like the gift."

"Of course I'll like it," Joey reassured his short friend as he tore the wrapping away. Opening the small white box, he grinned at the pile of cards inside. He shuffled through the cards, noting that most of them were not easy to get a hold of. "Aw man! Thanks a lot, Yug! Now my deck's going to be even better!"

"Grandpa and I thought they'd help out, so we hunted them down," Yugi replied.

"Hey, what does this card do?" Joey asked, showing Yugi the last card in the pile. The card was titled 'Cake and Candles' with a picture of a red and white birthday cake, but there was no description below.

"Oh," Yugi said, gazing at the card, "my grandpa said that's a special card. You can't use it in a duel though."

"Then what's it for?" Joey questioned, completely baffled by a seemingly useless card.

"Well, according to my Grandpa, you're supposed to give that card to someone on their birthday and they can make a wish on it and the wish is supposed to come true." He blushed slightly. "Sound's kind of stupid, but I figured I'd give it to you anyways, even if it doesn't work."

Joey laughed, ruffling Yugi's spiked hair. "I don't care if it works or not, it's still a cool card. I bet Kaiba doesn't even have this card! Thanks again, Yug."

"You guys ready to go?" Tea asked as she returned to the table with Duke and Tristan. Joey and Yugi nodded, sliding out of their seats. Together the five left the small restaurant to walk the busy streets of Domino City.

The group strolled at leisure through the city, talking animatedly about every topic under the sun from upcoming dueling tournaments to rabid squirrels. Joey was just finishing the story of the time he was five and had been chased for two miles by a vicious pigeon, when he spotted two familiar figures ahead at an ice cream cart.

"Aw, great," Joey growled, glaring at the taller of the two.

Yugi followed Joey's glare and smiled happily. "Hey, it's Mokuba and Kaiba!"

"Come on, they haven't noticed us yet, let's go back the other way," Joey persuaded, "I don't feel like dealing with Kaiba today."

As the five turned to leave in the opposite direction, they were halted by a cheerful, "Hey, guys!" Turning back, they saw Mokuba waving happily to them while Seto simply stood with his arms crossed and looking none too joyful.

"Hi, Mokuba," Yugi greeted as he led his friends over to the two brothers, "hi, Kaiba." Seto merely glanced at Yugi for a second in acknowledgement.

Joey scowled at Seto as he snapped at the tall teen, "The least you could do is respond, Kaiba!"

Seto glared menacingly at Joey, a small smirk on his face. Yugi and Mokuba's heads dropped simultaneously as they realized another vicious argument was about to begin between the blonde and brunet. "I always thought guard dogs were purebreds, not mutts," Seto remarked casually, a falsely thoughtful expression on his face.

"Ease up for once, Kaiba," Tea commanded, glowering at the CEO, "I mean, come on, you could be somewhat decent to Joey on his birthday!"

Seto's smirk widened at that tidbit of information. Tea had just opened a whole new subject to use as insults on Joey. "Hmm it's the mutt's birthday, is it? That makes you, what, 119 in dog years?" Joey bristled at the remark, his hatred for Kaiba growing deeper with each word he spoke, "Did you get a flea collar and chew toys as gifts? I presume your cake was made of dog food and biscuits; after all, chocolate kills dogs." (Only a large dose of baker's chocolate!)

"You're more spiteful than a cat, Kaiba!" Tea shouted curling her hands into angry fists.

Seto looked at Tea with raised eyebrows. "You do realize I find it complimenting to be compared to a cat, right? Cats happen to be superior to dogs in every way."

"Most people hate cats," Tea responded.

"Most people are idiots," Seto countered.

"You like cats, Kaiba?" Yugi asked in an attempt to start a pleasant conversation.

Seto glanced at Yugi, a deceivingly friendly smile on his face. "So, tell me, where is your cape, Captain Obvious?"

Mokuba shot Seto a warning glare as he tried to lessen the sting of his brother's barbed words by telling Yugi in a sociable tone, "Yea, we'd have plenty of cats if I wasn't allergic to them."

Seto, automatically disapproving of Mokuba being friendly with Yugi and telling the midget decidedly classified information about the CEO's likes and dislikes, turned his back on the group. He called to his little brother as he began to walk, "Let's go Mokuba, we have better things to do than stand around all day talking with those losers."

Mokuba shrugged apologetically before chasing after his brother.

"Damn that Kaiba," Joey growled, clenching his fists, "he always knows how to get on my nerves. Always calling me mutt or stupid dog. What's so great about cats anyways, huh? Dogs can kick a cat's butt any day!"

Tristan shook his head, laughing to himself. "Wouldn't it be great if Kaiba was a cat and he got chased by a bunch of dogs?"

Joey snickered at the thought. "Yea! I wish that would happen!" The five friends laughed together as they continued walking while unnoticed in Joey's pocket, the Cake and Candles card glowed for a moment before dissolving silently. (Oooh, ominous!)

Seto retired to his bedroom early, not feeling like himself in the least. Mokuba watched worriedly as his brother walked in a dazed stupor to his room. The raven-haired boy knew there was nothing he could do to help. If Seto was feeling ill, the last thing he needed was a younger brother fretting over him when he'd recover quickly enough on his own.

Becoming bored without Seto to talk to, Mokuba went to bed early as well. He did not sleep well, constantly haunted by dreams of losing Seto. (Sniffle….)

The next morning, Seto woke up feeling like his old self; although, his room looked disturbingly larger than it should have been and the birds singing in the gardens were obnoxiously loud. As he tried to climb out of bed, he became entangled in the sheets and fell to the floor with a painful thud. It was there that he came nose to metal with his dueling disk, which, to his currently distorted vision, appeared to be as large as himself. A quick movement behind him caught Seto's eye and when he turned to identify it, he found himself staring at a long luxurious white and silver tail. Moving to catch whatever animal had found its way into his room, Seto discovered the tail was following his every movement as if it were his own. Hissing in irritation, Seto swatted at the tail with, to his immense surprise, a large silvery paw.

In an uncharacteristic panic, he darted to the full-length mirror nearby. Where he thought he'd find his usual six foot one, brown haired, blue eyed reflection stood a six inch, white and gray furred, blue eyed kitten staring back at him in disbelief. Seto absentmindedly noted the breed of cat, a Balinese (Google search them, they're so pretty!), the prince of cats and one of his personal favorites. But he wasn't about to go over breeds of cats when there were more important things to think about. Like, where the hell was his reflection and why as there a cat in the mirror? (That last bit sounds so weird. There's a cat in the mirror!)

Seto raised his right hand and, what he had hoped wouldn't happen, the feline in the reflection raised its right paw. He jumped backwards, the cat copied him. He blinked; the cat blinked its icy blue eyes. Every move he made, the cat did with him. An eerie realization fell over him as he shook his head violently and was smacked by two pointed cat ears that he prayed didn't belong to him.

"This is not happening," he said aloud, but instead of English words he heard, "Meeew…"

Not wanting to believe his own eyes and ears, Seto hurried to his bedroom door, halting as he gazed up at the doorknob—never had he been forced to look _up_ at a doorknob before. He frowned, if cats could frown that is. He may have been in a small feline body, but he still had his mind—at least, Seto hoped he hadn't lost his mind and this was the result—and an oversized doorknob was no challenge. Leaping up with impossible ease, he used his weight to pull the handle down. The moment the door creaked open, Seto was out of the room and racing to Mokuba's. Only after colliding with Mokuba's bedroom door did Seto realize it was closed when typically Mokuba left the door open. And the round knob was impossible to open without opposable thumbs.

Seto clawed at the door as he called to his brother, "Mokuba! Open the door!" Although, all the sound he made was a pitiful, "Meow!"

Mokuba had been awoken by something hitting his door and was just climbing out of bed when the scratching and meowing started. When he opened the door, he found a small white kitten with a silver muzzle, paws, and tail, staring up at him. "Well, hi there, kitty!" the younger Kaiba greeted as cheerfully as possible despite his confusion. Mokuba glanced up and down the hallway, completely puzzled by the sudden appearance of a cat. When he looked back at the cat it appeared surprisingly depressed with its ears drooped and its head bowed.

Mokuba knelt down to get a better look at the cat. "What's wrong, kitty? Are you sick?"

Seto shook his head in disbelief. This was no hallucination; he was truly stuck in the body of a cat. And he had no way of communicating with his own brother. (Where's a kitty cell phone when you need one?)

Mokuba began to sneeze violently, startling Seto into leaping back. Worried that his brother was sick, Seto approached Mokuba, mewing softly. Mokuba waved his hand in a shooing motion at Seto as he wiped at his watering eyes. "No, kitty, I'm allergic to you, please don't come into my room."

Seto froze, stunned by the realization that he was causing Mokuba utter misery by being near him. Becoming fiercely determined to return to his former self immediately, Seto's mind worked frantically to come up with a solution.

And the answer hit him like a ton of bricks. Yugi Mutou. The shrimp of a duelist always seemed to be somehow linked to seemingly impossible events. If anyone had answers, it was Yugi (Haha, Yugi's short….). Seto raced downstairs as fast as his newly acquired four paws allowed him. He wasted a great deal of time trying to open the massive front doors and failing. Mokuba, having come downstairs in search of the peculiar cat, found him and let him out with a sad, "Bye, kitty. Sorry you got trapped in here!"

Glancing back once with regret for leaving Mokuba, Seto left in the direction he guessed Yugi's game shop/home was.

Seto found out quickly that the streets of Domino were a completely different world when you couldn't see over the heads of the ever moving crowds. Seto was quickly beginning to hate people who stepped on a cat's tail and didn't bother to apologize. He vowed to scratch the living hell out of the next person to do so. And, as if the Gods had a wicked sense of humor, someone stomped down heavily on his already injured tail at just that moment. Hissing in rage and pain, Seto turned with claws out to repay the favor.

"Whoa! Sorry, cat! Didn't mean to step on you," a familiar Brooklyn-accented voice said. Seto stared up in utter bewilderment at Joey Wheeler, who stood smiling apologetically at him. "Hey, cat, what are you doing out here?" Joey asked, gazing at Seto in wonder, "Aren't you a little too small to be out on the streets? Did you get lost or something?"

'As if I, Seto Kaiba, would get lost,' Seto thought irritably, turning his nose up at Joey in a prideful, superior manner. He purposely ignored the fact that he was indeed lost.

"You're probably hungry and lonely, huh?" Joey questioned, watching the haughty feline with interest. He reached out in an attempt to grab the cat, hoping to take it home until he could find the owner.

'Stay away from me, mutt!' Seto hissed in anger, dancing back out of Joey's reach, and into the direct path of a speeding bicyclist. (THE END! ...Just kidding!)

The biker was quick enough to veer away from the cat, but Seto was still struck painfully by the man's flailing foot. He was sent tumbling head over tail until he collided heavily with Joey's shin. Seto hadn't even regained his senses when Joey scooped him up in one hand, holding him firmly but gently. The blonde shouted a few choice words at the inconsiderate bicyclist—now upside down inside a trash can he'd ridden into—before walking off, struggling kitten in hand.

'I'll kill you for this, Wheeler…' Seto vowed as he attempted to free himself from the strong grip.

"Welcome to my humble abode!" Joey announced as he shoved the apartment door open.

'Humble indeed,' Seto remarked to himself as he took a quick survey of the tiny apartment. He found himself finally freed when Joey set him down on the kitchen counter. During the entire trip to Joey's home, Seto had scratched and bitten the mutt in hopes of being released, but only once had he successfully broken the skin on Joey's hand. 'Damn puny fangs and claws,' Seto grumbled, watching the blonde wash his barely wounded hand.

Leaping down from the counter, Seto winced slightly. He was still sore from his accident with the bike, but nothing had been broken. Seto examined the apartment, uncomfortable in the extremely close quarters. The kitchen was directly linked to the tiny living room, decorated with meager furniture. Seto noted a miniscule hallway with three closed doors and presumed them to be two bedrooms and a bathroom. 'This place is smaller than a doghouse,' Seto muttered as he sniffed at a pile of old magazines.

"It ain't as big as most places," Joey said with a wry grin, "but it is home." He stretched out a hand to pet Seto, only to have the cat slash at him and hiss. Joey brought his hand back quickly, peering at the kitten. "You've got a temper that could give Kaiba a run for his money. And he's got the worst temper in the world and a lot of money!"

Seto flipped his ears back, narrowing his eyes at the blonde. 'You're going to regret insulting me when you think my back is turned.' He hissed at Joey again for good measure.

Joey climbed to his feet and disappeared into the kitchen. Seto sat down, holding his head up in victory. 'That'll teach you to come near me, Wheeler.'

The blonde returned from the kitchen, one hand held behind his back. Seto eyed the hidden hand suspiciously as Joey approached again. This time, Joey brought his hand slowly to Seto, only to have it scratched at again; but this time, Seto received a reprimanding shot of icy water in his face from the squirt bottle behind Joey's back. Seto stood in shock from the unforeseen attack, completely caught off guard.

Joey didn't waste any time. When the cat froze, he snatched it up and began stroking behind its large gray ears. Before he knew it, Seto found himself purring with bliss, much against his wishes. He wanted so badly to claw Joey's hands again, but he just didn't have the will to; being scratched behind the ears felt far too good. 'So this is why cats put up with their idiot owners…' Seto remarked absently.

Joey continued to pet the kitten, grateful it had ceased its attacks. He grinned down at the feline. "See? Ain't so bad, now is it? Those scratches of yours were pretty useless, but they were getting annoying and we're gonna have to get along. We can't be fighting the entire time I'm looking for your owner, after all."

"_He thinks I'm a pet!_" Seto thought with indignation. 'And I have no way of showing the idiot otherwise,' he mewed softly as his heart sank. Seto had seen the number of security latches on the door; there was no way he could get out with those in his way. He was trapped here until Joey found the owner that didn't exist.

End of Chapter 1

KT: Nyahaha! Kitty, kitty!

Seto: …….

KT: Please send reviews! It's been so long since I received any reviews!

Seto: You're what the medical society calls a Review-aholic.

KT: Yay! More prescriptions!


	2. The War at Home

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

Disclaimer: I don't own it! And I don't own Garfield and Band-Aids, either!

Summary: Joey is granted one wish that he believes is nothing more than a joke, but Seto Kaiba isn't laughing when he finds himself in the body of a helpless kitten. Can he trust his canine enemy long enough to return to his former self? (Non-Yaoi)

Warnings: Minor language, blood, and alcohol references.

Notes:

'Kitty speech'

"Normal speech"

/Hikari to Yami/

/Yami to Hikari/

"_Thoughts_"

(Random authoress remarks)

KT: Yay! Chapter 2 already!

Seto: You go months without updating a single story then you update like there's no tomorrow. What's wrong with you?

KT: I like potatoes.

Seto: That's answer enough for me. It's time to call the institution again.

KT: Whoo! The men in the pretty white coats that look kinda like your Battle City trench coat!

Seto: Don't associate your friends with me!

Chapter 2: The War at Home

Minute by minute Seto was getting increasingly pissed off. Apparently Joey had some rule about cats sitting on furniture and each time Seto attempted to do so, he was attacked by that accursed squirt bottle. And every time he hissed in anger at the water, he was drenched again. Finally retreating to a corner, Seto sat alternating between sulking and shooting Joey and the bottle death glares. At least he hadn't allowed Joey to catch him off guard again and inflict another humiliating petting upon him.

Seto quickly learned that wet fur was one of the most uncomfortable feelings that existed. Feline instinct told him just how to get rid of that damp feeling too, but Seto wasn't sure he liked the idea of having to lick his fur dry. He wasn't that much like a cat (yet…). He opted for a more vengeful means.

Joey glanced around for the cat; he'd been quiet for too long and it worried him. "Hey! What are you doing?" the blonde demanded, watching the cat with surprise. He lay sprawled lavishly on the carpet pulling himself a few inches and rolling over as if using the material like a towel. (My cats do that when they get water on them.)

Once finished, Seto sat up and smirked a small kitty-smirk. He was completely dry while the carpet was perfectly damp, plus his fur felt a thousand times softer. It wasn't much in the lines of revenge, but it was the best he could manage in his current condition. He would have clawed up the furniture, but they were already in horrible shape and claws couldn't possibly make them look worse.

Joey, misinterpreting the cat's actions as a form of entertainment, laughed. "You're bored, huh?" he asked the kitten.

Seto stared impassively at the blonde. 'You happen to be a very boring person, mutt. Even the television programs you watch are boring. You are the very definition of bland,' he replied, knowing full well Joey was oblivious to the insults. Returning again to the corner, Seto resumed his currently favorite pastime of sulking.

"I'll take that as a yes," Joey said with a grin, "I'll be right back. Wait there." He entered the left door in the hallway without a backward glance.

Seto rolled his eyes at the comment. 'It's not like I _can_ go anywhere, moron.' About to try and take a quick nap, he was surprised to find his vision suddenly obscured by an orb of pale blue. Hissing in surprise, he instinctively struck out at the object and, to his further annoyance it danced out of his reach. When Seto brought his paw back, the object returned. Again he swatted at it, again it moved out of range in a mocking way. Ears back and tail twitching in annoyance, Seto growled at the ball. 'Mock me, will you?' Meowing in anger, Seto pounced far too swiftly for the teasing sphere to dodge. The ball stood no chance against Seto as he tore fiercely with claw and fang. Just as Seto was prepared to deliver the deathblow, the ball was pulled away from him and he felt himself lifted into the air by the scruff of his neck.

"Do you have to try and kill everything that goes near you?" Joey questioned, holding Seto at eyelevel. In his other hand was the ball of blue yarn, now nothing more than a heap of mutilated string. (Poor yarn…Sniffle)

Seto squirmed in the tight grasp, meowing sullenly, 'Unhand me this instant or I shall shred your face with my claws, fool!'

Joey frowned, confused by the cat's unnaturally bad temper. "Do you have low blood sugar or something?" he suggested, receiving an angry meow in response. "Or maybe your owners were so cruel to you that you became bitter and anti-social!"

Seto greatly resented that last remark. 'I am not bitter!' he hissed, tail jerking angrily.

Joey beamed, struck by a sudden idea. "I know! You're just grumpy because you're hungry." Tossing the decimated yarn ball aside, he held Seto securely in both hands and headed to the kitchen. (Which is like two feet away…) Seto chose not to attack Joey at the moment, lest the mutt drop him from such a formidable height. The blonde placed Seto on the counter as he searched through the cabinets. He sighed, looking at Seto apologetically, "I don't have any cat food."

'Why would I eat cat food?' Seto demanded crossly before pausing, 'Oh, right. Cats eat cat food.'

"Would you like some lasagna?" Joey asked teasingly, snickering at his own joke.

'Do I look like that morbidly obese, unmotivated, sorry excuse for a feline?' Seto replied irritably. He was in no mood for the mutt's moronic jests.

Joey eyed Seto skeptically, a thoughtful look on his face. "You know," he said, "more and more you keep reminding me of Kaiba. You're cranky, with all that hissing and growling, and you keep making such angry comments after everything I say." Seto stared at Joey expectantly, not daring to believe the mutt had managed to figure it out on his own. "Seriously, if I didn't know Mokuba was allergic to cats, I'd think you belonged to Kaiba. Pets do resemble their owners, after all."

Seto's ears drooped miserably. 'So close yet so far…'

Joey laughed, patting the cat's head reassuringly. "Hey, I wasn't trying to insult you by comparing you to Kaiba. Don't get so down." He went to the refrigerator and removed a gallon of milk. Pouring the milk into a plastic blue bowl, he offered it to Seto. "Here, my apology for associating you with Kaiba."

Seto glared at the blonde through narrowed cerulean eyes. 'I was planning on hiring an assassin to finished you off once I was back to normal, but now I think I'll kill you myself,' he mused aloud to the unaware Joey. The sweet aroma of the milk broke his glare as he looked down at the offered bowl. If he hadn't been so damnably hungry, he would have gladly knocked the bowl from Joey's hands, but his stomach would not allow perfectly good nourishment to go to waste. Before Joey had a chance to set the bowl down Seto was drinking greedily and happily from it, even allowing himself to purr softly.

"Hey," Joey warned, "slow down or you'll make yourself sick!" Seto scowled up at the blonde but accepted the suggestion grudgingly.

The milk was gone in a matter of minutes and Seto lay down on the cool tiles of the counter, feeling incredibly tired. Joey scooped him up into his hands and headed back to the living room. Flopping down into the beanbag chair in front of the TV, Joey began petting Seto again behind his sensitive ears. Seto simply did not have the energy to fight off the blonde and found he was quickly growing sleepy under the surprisingly gentle hand. "_Curse cats and their inability to fight back a petting…_" Seto thought drowsily before falling sound asleep.

Seto woke with a start at the sound of a slamming door. He became nearly frantic when he didn't find himself at home. After a moment, the memories returned to him and he became immediately sullen. He was still in Joey's tiny apartment, trapped as a cat and unable to tell anyone. But Joey was no where to be seen; the pair of sneakers at the door were gone as well. Seto presumed the blonde had gone off on some errand. He was somewhat bitter for being left behind, and he began to plot a new scheme of vengeance.

A half empty beer-can clattered to the floor next to him, startling Seto out of his thoughts. Looking up, he saw a tall man with disheveled dirty blonde hair. It was easy to tell he was Joey's father; they so closely resembled each other, despite the man's heavy skin and unshaven face. He was the definition of unkempt and Seto sneezed in contempt as he caught the man's scent of sweat, beer and filth.

'Has he ever taken a bath?' Seto asked himself in disgust, wrinkling his pink nose at the vile smell.

The man looked down at the sound of meowing, his dark brown eyes focusing unsteadily on the cat. "Where the hell did you come from?" he demanded in a slurred voice, "Did that idiot bring home another filthy animal?"

'You're one to talk about filthy animals!' Seto hissed at the drunk.

The man grinned sadistically as he reached down with a heavy, and far from gentle, hand to pick Seto up off the ground roughly. "You think you're so tough, cat? Let's see how tough you are when I toss ya in the middle of rush hour traffic," the man growled with a dangerous glint in his glazed chocolate eyes. His face was so close to Seto's that the cat could easily pick up the thick stench of alcohol on the elder Wheeler's breath. Seto struggled vainly in the constricting grasp; but the smell and tight grip were far too overpowering for him as he fell half unconscious from lack of air.

Distantly, Seto heard a door open and close, but he brushed it off as irrelevant as this drunken man was on the verge of crushing him to death and he was completely defenseless. "Dad, what are you doing! Let him go!" For the first time in his life, Seto was actually glad to hear the mutt's voice. (Dun, dun, dun! Super-mutt to the rescue!)

"Bah!" the drunk barked, throwing Seto at Joey. The blonde moved with astounding quickness to catch the feline safely in his hands. "Take your stupid animal!" Turning away from his son, he trudged to his room, grumbling as he went, "Don't know why you bother taking in strays. They're ungrateful beasts."

"Just because you don't feel like helping those in need, doesn't mean I don't!" Joey shouted at his father's back as the man slammed his bedroom door shut. Joey held up Seto with a worried expression. "Sorry about that. My dad can be a real ass sometimes, and he hates animals, especially cats. Thinks they're too vain and stuck up." Seto turned his face away, holding his head up like a noble at the offense. The blonde chuckled, "I suppose you would be the last cat he'd want to meet then, huh? You're the definition of vain." An annoyed meow came from Seto in response. Setting Seto down at his feet, Joey picked up a plastic bag he had dropped when the cat was thrown at him. "I got you something!"

Seto blinked in puzzlement as the blonde fished through the bag. 'What could you possibly afford that would interest me?' he asked, feigning indifference. He turned his back on Joey, pretending to be far more interested in staring at the wall. Joey waited patiently, knowing a cat's personality too well. It took only a few seconds for the curiosity to become overwhelming. Seto turned back around quickly, all attention and inquisitiveness with his pointed ears perked forward with interest.

Joey laughed at the cat's suddenly altered demeanor. "Curiosity killed the cat, you know," he chided teasingly.

'And satisfaction brought it back,' Seto retorted impatiently, 'now show me what you got before I scratch you!' He stepped forward, pawing at the bag enthusiastically.

"Okay, okay!" Joey said, pulling the bag out of paw's reach. He held up the item proudly. It was a small black collar, complete with a secure silver clasp and bell. Seto would have been utterly insulted if it hadn't been for the large silver bell hanging from the collar. He couldn't help it; he loved the bell's shininess, even if he hated the collar. (Mmm, shiny is good.)

Joey plucked the cat off the ground again—Seto was quickly beginning to hate the fact that people picked him up at their own leisure without asking his permission. As Joey tried to put the collar on with one hand and hold the cat firmly with the other, Seto fought valiantly even with his paws pinned. Easily victorious, Joey placed Seto back down, now fitted with the brand new collar. All the shininess in the world could not satiate Seto as he clawed at the offensive collar, the bell jingling merrily with his every movement. It didn't take long for Seto to use up what little stamina his kitten form had, and the collar was on as snugly as ever. Seto sat down dejectedly, glaring daggers at the bell and cursing its deceitful luster.

"It's not so bad once you get used to it," Joey reassured him.

'Let's see you wear a collar and "get used to it", Wheeler,' Seto meowed discontentedly. (I wear a collar. It's actually very comfy, plus the bell jingles with each step!)

Joey, having predicted the cat--like any typical feline--would dislike a collar, reached into the bag again. "I got a few things that might cheer you up, as well," he explained as Seto watched him intently.

The blonde tossed a handful of small stuffed mice at Seto's paws. Seto gazed blankly at the colorful toy rodents and back up at Joey. 'You honestly expect me to _play_ with these?'

Joey shook his head, his brow furrowing pensively. "Never heard of a cat that didn't want to play with toy mice," he remarked.

'And I've never heard of an ignorant canine that managed to get into high school. But, sometimes the impossible can happen,' Seto retorted as Joey removed yet another toy from the bag. This one resembled a fishing pole with a bell and vibrant feathers instead of bait on the end of the string. Joey seemed to find it amusing to continuously dangle the toy just millimeters from Seto's nose, frustrating the cat to no end. Seto batted at the toy once and, as he'd expected, Joey immediately yanked it out of reach. Seto used that moment to retreat from the obnoxious game by crawling beneath the couch.

Joey, forced to lie on the floor to see under the sofa, frowned at the feline. "You seriously need to learn how to play, cat. It ain't healthy to be so grumpy all the time."

'You live in this pigsty and have the audacity to tell me what a healthy lifestyle is?' Seto retorted in a clipped tone. But Seto's response fell on deaf ears as Joey's attention was taken away by a knock came at the door.

Joey grinned cheerfully as he climbed to his feet. "That'd be my best bud!"

'Yugi?' Seto said in disbelief. Instead of having to hunt the short duelist down, Yugi had come right to him. Barely believing his luck, Seto remained under the couch. He had the sudden fear that Joey's "best bud" wasn't Yugi, but rather the unicorn-resembling punk that Seto was positive liked to pull cats' tails.

His worries were put aside when he heard Yugi's overly happy voice greet Joey as the two sat down on the couch. Seto emerged cautiously from his hiding spot; he trusted Yugi more than most people, but he didn't trust him _that_ much. Who knew how the spiky-haired youth acted around felines? Maybe Joey had invited him over for a session of "kitty torture".

"Joey, when did you get a cat?" Yugi asked, grinning at Seto as he stared back at the midget.

"Oh," Joey said, laughing slightly, "I found him wandering around on the sidewalk earlier today." Seto blinked in surprise, it had felt like a week since he became a cat, but it had only been half a day. As Yugi reached down to pick up Seto, Joey added in a warning tone, "Be careful, Yug. That cat's got one hell of a bad temper." Yugi withdrew his hands at once, having a slight fear of being scratched or bitten.

Simply out of pure spite for Joey, Seto jumped onto Yugi's lap, meowing contentedly. It was far too easy to play the part of a sweet and innocent kitten, and Seto loved every minute of it as he watched Joey's dumbstruck expression. "He doesn't seem so bad," Yugi commented as he stroked the friendly cat's downy fur.

"That's weird," Joey said with a frown, "he wouldn't come near me at all, and any time I tried to pet him he'd scratch me."

"Maybe you just scare him, Joey," Yugi suggested as he picked up Seto in an attempt to hug him. Seto was not about to allow Yugi to consider him that friendly of a feline, and hissed threateningly to express it. When Yugi released him hastily, Seto hopped to the arm of the couch and sat glaring at the pair.

"See what I mean?" Joey pointed out, "I told you he's got a bad temper. He hates being pet, played with or even talked to!"

Yugi blinked in bafflement. "Talked to?"

Joey nodded a confirmation. "Yea, every time I say something, he meows and I swear it sounds like he's insulting me or something."

'That's because I am, you idiot,' Seto stated cantankerously.

"What'd I tell you?" Joey said to Yugi, "He keeps doing that! He's worse than Kaiba!"

Yugi snickered at the remark and Seto's dark glare. "I don't think the cat likes being compared to Kaiba, Joey."

'Stop talking about me like I'm not here!' Seto ordered, forgetting for a moment that neither boy could understand him. Their complete lack of intelligence was driving him insane; he had to find a way to show them he was Seto Kaiba and not just some random household pet.

He recalled suddenly the pile of magazines he'd inspected earlier. The top one had been a duel monsters magazine, complete with a list of every card ever created—it had been so obnoxiously advertised on the cover. Leaping down from the couch, Seto raced to the magazines, sliding the desired one to him with a paw. The card description he' wanted was on the second page, under the B's. Carefully, Seto tore at the page in an attempt to remove the picture of the card.

"Uhm, Joey," Yugi said, pointing to Seto, "the cat's tearing up your magazines."

Joey shrugged, waving it off. "I don't care. I was gonna throw those ones out anyway. Let him play with them if he feels like it."

With the final tear of paper, Seto smirked victoriously, taking his trophy in his mouth delicately. He returned to the two boys as they watched the TV. Impatiently, he pawed at Yugi's pant leg, trying to show the picture to the pair.

Yugi looked down curiously at the cat. "What's up?" he asked before spotting the strip of magazine in the cat's mouth. Reaching down, he took the paper and examined it. He blinked in surprise, staring at the picture. "Whoa!"

"What?" Joey questioned, gazing at his friend in confusion.

"Look what your cat tore out of that magazine, Joey!" Yugi said, his voice hushed with shock. He held up the picture for Joey to see clearly. "It's the Blue Eyes White Dragon! And it's torn out so neatly!"

'Now put two and two together,' Seto ordered with irritation.

Joey glanced from Seto to the magazine piece and back again, concentration ceasing his brow. Suddenly he grinned at the edgy cat, grabbing him and setting him on the couch. "You," Joey began, Seto nodded slightly with apprehension, "need a different favorite monster, like the Red Eyes Black Dragon!"

'Imbecile!' Seto hissed. In utter rage at Joey's stupidity, Seto slashed at the blonde's hand with a greater degree of violence than he had ever before. The blonde yelped in pain, pulling his hand reflexively to his mouth. "You bastard! That hurt!" Joey shouted as he examined the three long gashes that were bleeding sluggishly.

"Joey, are you okay?" Yugi asked anxiously as Seto glared unflinchingly at the blonde.

Joey didn't reply as he snatched Seto up by his collar and trudged to the kitchen. Tossing the cat inside the small area, he slammed the sliding door shut and moved the latch into place, securely locking the cat in. He returned to the alarmed Yugi with a forced smile. "I'm fine, Yug. I've had a lot worse than a scratch from some runty kitten."

"I wonder what made him so angry," Yugi thought aloud, thin eyebrows raised. He leapt to his feet in shock as his cell phone began to ring loudly, startling him out of his thoughts. He smiled apologetically to Joey as he answered the phone with a cheerful, "Hello?"

Joey inspected the wound again critically. "_He got me pretty good that time,_" he brooded. With a shrug, he wiped the thin layer on blood off on his shirt sleeve.

"That was Tea," Yugi said as he returned the phone to his pocket, "she wants to go see a movie. Do you want to come?"

Joey waved a dismissive hand. "Nah, you go ahead. I don't feel much like going anywhere right now."

"You sure?"

"Yea. I'll see you later, Yug."

"Bye, Joey!" Yugi called as he left, waving merrily.

Joey waved until the door closed. Sighing to himself, he headed to his bathroom in search of Band-Aids. "Stupid cat..."

In the kitchen, Seto paced in a fury. 'Idiot, idiot, idiot! He's nothing more than a bumbling, yammering idiot with a bad accent!' he fumed, the bell around his neck ringing in time with his steps. 'I give him the world's most obvious clue and he thinks I'm playing games! Complete moron! He deserves worse than I gave him, especially after locking me in this wretched room.' As his anger reached its peak, he felt his energy drain trying to keep the rage burning. It quickly began to subside as his energy ran out and thus, Seto's more sensible side took over. (Anger always dies so quickly.) He knew that clue wasn't completely clear, nor should he have expected Joey to figure it out immediately. And Joey really didn't deserve being attacked like that, even if he was a bit on the foolish side. Without realizing it, Seto began to feel guilty. Yes, Joey was his enemy—although he still didn't know why that was—but the mutt had been nothing but kind to him. Seto got the unsettling idea that, even if Joey knew he was no ordinary cat, he would still have been just as hospitable. Plus, if he really wanted to, Joey could easily kill or severely injure Seto in his current form. That was a very unsettling thought.

Curling up in a corner, feeling livid, guilty, helpless, and down right miserable, Seto began to doze off, still complaining to the air, 'Stupid mutt…'

End of Chapter 2

KT: There was more at the end of this chapter, but it was getting so long that I shifted it all to chapter 3. Can't have the whole fic stuffed into chapter 2, after all.

Seto: When are you going to abandon this fic?

KT: When inspiration dries up, but I've got so many ideas for this fic that inspiration won't end!

Seto: Damn…

Note: Did anyone notice near the end of this chapter that my vocabulary began to drop? I finished this chapter at 2 in the morning after going on 3 hours of sleep; thinking was becoming painful so my work became rather minimal. Shitsurei Shimashite! I shall work harder to bring quality entertainment to you, my beloved reader!

Seto: Because we all know you only have one reader…

KT: Shush, you ill-tempered ex-champion!

Seto: Ouch…


	3. Blue Eyes White Neko

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything but the basic concept of the story!

Summary: Joey is granted one wish that he believes is nothing more than a joke, but Seto Kaiba isn't laughing when he finds himself in the body of a helpless kitten. Can he trust his canine enemy long enough to return to his former self? (Non-Yaoi)

Warnings: Same as last time…

Notes:

'Kitty speech'

"Normal speech"

/Hikari to Yami/

/Yami to Hikari/

"_Thoughts_"

(Random authoress remarks)

**To Klyukaizer:**

Ha-ha, I loved your review. Don't worry; I will continue this fic (I've already written up to chapter 5 and working on editing it for mistakes and clarity). Sorry, but this fic will not be Yaoi. I'm not a Yaoi hater (I'm a fan of it, actually), but there are a number of readers who can't stand Yaoi. Plus, has been known to delete stories with Yaoi/Yuri in them randomly; I don't want another deleted story. For those reasons, I won't be making it Yaoi; although, watch my fics in the future because I've got the workings of a Yaoi in my mind and I'll inform those interested as to where to get a hold of it. And to your last question, yes please do!

**To my other Reviewers:**

Sorry I couldn't address each of you separately, I shall try to next chapter. I want to thank each of you for reading and reviewing, you don't realize how much these reviews cheer me up and keep me writing. They're my source of confidence when I question my abilities, thank you all from the very bottom of my heart!

KT: Whoa, chapter 3 is already here!

Seto: Can't you tear yourself away from the computer long enough to shower?

KT: No! Too much inspiration! If I stop now, I'll lose everything I've got!

Seto: Fine. I don't care if you sacrifice life's essentials for a fanfiction. The sooner you die, the sooner I'm free.

KT: I can so live without food, water, and sleep!

Seto: Of course you can… Now, what did you want it to say on your tombstone?

KT: 'Fear the magic of yams, the deadly potato-spleen.'

(Someone asked why I have these little conversations with Seto at the beginning and end of each chapter in all my fics. It's my attempt at comic relief, not just for the readers but for me as well. Plus, when an authoress has a muse such as Seto, it's hard not to enjoy little chats, spats, and quarrels continuously. And, these little bits of conversations are my chance to make fun of my work and thus prevent myself from being affected by heartless flamers.)

Chapter 3: Blue Eyes White Neko

Seto woke at first light to the unaccustomed sound of early morning traffic. Blaring car horns, pounding stereos and short-tempered commuters berating one another was not something anyone with sensitive feline ears yearned to wake up to. For once Seto wished for the typical insufferable songs of his garden birds. 'How can people live with this unbearable racket?' he snarled grumpily. He paced back and forth, tail lashing violently as he inspected his current surroundings. Dingy white cabinets, a horribly aged and constantly used kitchen table, yellowed fridge and a massive pile of dirtied dishes were his current companions.

He was still locked in the abominable kitchen, and with no access to food or water. Well, maybe he'd be able to turn the faucet on even with these hindrances called paws, but what sane being would drink downtown city tap water. Seto became unnervingly suspicious that Joey was attempting to kill him slowly by denying him basic necessities. His suspicions of the blonde teen being a sadistic, torturous hoodlum became annoying persistent in his mind.

Well, he certainly wasn't going to go quietly! Dogs may be able to howl, but cats were more than capable of creating just as much commotion. And Seto did exactly that by clawing at the door while meowing incessantly. He knew full well most city dwellers were immune to the bothersome bark of canines, but a cat's constant yowling was a different story and tended to attract attention faster as cats weren't the type of creature to create noise needlessly.

It only took a moment for Seto to receive the reaction he'd anticipated. Joey stormed into the kitchen appearing still half-asleep and on the verge of massacre. His chocolate eyes snapped angrily to Seto, sitting demurely beneath the kitchen table. The blonde stomped heavily over to Seto, grabbing him roughly by the scruff.

He gazed levelly at the cat held just inches from his nose. "What's your problem, huh?" he demanded, "I mean, seriously, I know cats are supposed to be cranky and inconsiderate, but you go overboard." A small, tentative mew was the only response from Seto as he was kept at the complete mercy of Joey.

"I think that's the first time you ever meowed with sounding so bitter," Joey said with a small smile. He put Seto in the crook of his arm, stroking the cat's ears. A small grimace of guilt appeared on Joey's face as the cat remained meekly motionless. "Sorry about locking you in the kitchen all night. That was pretty messed up of me, wasn't it?"

Seto switched his ears back in a silent answer. He wasn't about to push his luck by making any form of retort; even after countless confrontations with Joey, he'd yet to discover the mutt's breaking point-and he wasn't about to find out while he had no way to fight back. Thankfully, Joey appeared calmer already. Seto mused to himself whether the rumors of petting a cat as a form of therapy were true or not. Seto couldn't have cared less if it was true or not, he was just relieved that Joey was not in the mood to murder any particular felines. He began to wash a paw absently, ignoring Joey's apologetic strokes.

It was then that Seto spotted Joey's bandaged hand and that weighty guilt came back full-force. Almost timidly, he pawed at the wrapping and mewed apologetically. He received a warm pat and bright smile from Joey for the small show of compassion. Seto wasn't one for apologies, especially when the mutt was concerned; but, his conscience had gotten the better of him for that split moment.

"You're not so bad after all, Cat," Joey laughed as he placed Seto back on the floor. "Now, let's get something to eat, I'm starving!"

'For once, I agree with you, Wheeler,' Seto stated, watching eagerly as Joey opened a large can of tuna. Even when he hadn't been a cat, Seto was fond of seafood and had never complained about tuna. Countless times, while working nonstop hours, he'd eaten tuna straight from the can. It was definitely high on his list of favorite foods. (I love tuna out of the can!)

Seto waited patiently-although barely-as Joey poured a bowl of cereal for himself and headed into the living room. Seto followed willingly, never taking his eyes off the can of fish. After Joey had settled into the worn couch cushions, groaning under his usual weight, he lowered the can to the floor, pulling it back hastily as Seto practically pounced for it. "Whoa! Show a little restraint. I thought cats were supposed to be patient and well-mannered when it came to food," Joey teased, earning an offended glare from Seto, one who greatly prided himself in etiquette. He held the can high, raising his eyebrows as Seto paced with obvious aggravation at being denied a meal. "Be patient."

'Stop holding the fish hostage,' Seto ordered, growing irritated. He knew what had to be done and, heaving a very un-catlike sigh, he sat perfectly still, eyes remaining fixed on the tuna. One could have easily mistaken him for a fuzzy white and silver statue if it wasn't for his fiercely vibrant sapphire eyes, even his tail lay still.

"That's more like it," Joey said, placing the food down and digging into his own breakfast. For once, Seto Kaiba and Joey Wheeler weren't at each other's throats, being preoccupied with more important matters such as food. But they were still unconsciously competing, each racing to finish their breakfast before the other without even meaning to race. Expectedly, Seto completed his meal long before Joey as the blonde stopped altogether when he became enthralled in the current television program on. While waiting for the teen to finish, Seto cleaned his face in typical cat fashion. Seto Kaiba was a stickler for hygiene and, even if it meant using the sandpapery tongue of a cat, he was going to keep his paws and face spotless. It took little time at all, as Seto was perfectly outfitted for washing dirtied fur and whiskers. With a sense of pride for the immaculately white coat, Seto settled himself down, his long brushy tail curling around to rest over his paws.

When Joey finally finished as the television show credits rolled, Seto was already half-asleep out of pure boredom. Climbing to his feet with a groan, Joey stretched and sighed. "Well, cat. I've gotta go shopping," he said with a grimace as Seto shook himself out of his dozing state to eye the blonde. Joey growled darkly, shooting a piercing glare at his father's closed bedroom door. "Because we all know my good for nothing dad won't get off his ass and do it." With a frustrated sigh, Joey disappeared into the kitchen with his empty bowl in hand.

Seto cocked his head to one side at Joey's disturbingly harsh tone. He'd never heard the blonde sound so hateful, even during their common disputes or rare duels. 'Hmm, interesting. You hate your father even more than me?' Seto mused, twitching his tail contemplatively. It seemed almost unfathomable that he, Seto Kaiba, Joey Wheeler's #1 tormentor, was not his most hated enemy. Seto felt slightly hurt to find he was second on the list of Joey's most despised people; even if it was a disreputable list, Seto still preferred to be the top one.

As Joey emerged from the kitchen, slipped into his battered sneakers and headed to the front door, Seto followed right behind him, expecting to be leaving the apartment as well. When the door opened, Seto moved to step outside and walked into an unanticipated obstacle, Joey's shoe. "Where do you think you're going?" Joey asked, "You're staying here. Cats aren't allowed in grocery stores." Seto's eyes narrowed, greatly disliking the idea of being denied access to something. Brushing his hair back quickly, Joey added to the sullen cat, "Make sure to watch out for my dad, okay? He should sleep 'til noon, but you never know." Using his foot, he gently pushed Seto back and left, closing the door securely behind him.

Seto glared daggers at the closed door before turning his nose up contemptuously. 'Hmph! See if I care,' he challenged in an attempt to heal his damaged pride.

Feeling fairly miffed, he paced through the living room. The brown carpet, where it was visible, bore multiple cigarette burn marks and unidentifiable stains; most of the carpet was covered in discarded items such as clothes, books, papers, magazines and aluminum cans of various drinks. Sniffing in disdain at the random stacks of beer cans scattered around, Seto continued to walk aimlessly through the room, a critical eye taking in the peeling yellow wallpaper and makeshift bookcases that held few, if any, books. One would have thought Joey's father was a collector of beer cans, as they were the dominant object present and seemed to be just about everywhere lying in unruly piles. Passing a particularly large heap, Seto froze, staring at the cans thoughtfully. He had been struck by a sudden idea on how to tell Joey just _who_ his new found cat happened to be; and the countless aluminum cans were going to be a key ingredient.

When Joey came home juggling an armload of large paper bags, he headed straight for the kitchen. As he set the mass of groceries on the counter, a demanding meow caught his attention. Glancing around, he couldn't locate the cat. "Where are you?" he called, presuming the small feline had managed to get himself stuck somewhere and would require rescuing.

'Out here, you idiot! There are only so many places one can go in such a miniscule dwelling,' Seto yelled impatiently. If he had any luck, he'd be back to his normal self in no time; but that meant Joey would have to do some thinking and that made Seto quite nervous, and for good reason.

Joey appeared in the living room, eyes falling immediately on the cat. The blonde noted absently just how dirty his carpet looked with such the cat's new-snow fur countering it before he glimpsed the rest of the room. The sight that he was greeted with struck him speechless. Seto sat regally in the center of the room, but what the cat sat beside was the stunning thing. Beers cans lay arranged into a rather clear, and rather harsh, message: YOU'RE AN IDIOT, MUTT. FIGURE IT OUT. (Yes, it was properly punctuated and everything. Yay, grammar!)

Joey screwed his eyes shut and shook his head, not believing what he saw. But when he opened his eyes again, the message was still there and the cat still sat watching him with those unnervingly intelligent and familiar eyes. "K-Kaiba?" he asked cautiously, his mind immediately telling him such a thing was impossible. One's enemy did not simply turn into a cat and end up as a temporary "pet".

Seto meowed in affirmation, even nodding to get the point clearly across. (It's really weird to see a cat nod, even though my cat does…)

"Not possible," Joey breathed. He caught the angry glare Seto shot him and shook his head. His mind immediately recalled the cat's multiple peculiar habits and actions that had until now seemed particularly unnatural. "I take that back. You're definitely Kaiba." He scratched his hair thoughtfully, still digesting the sudden news. "How did this happen?" A blank stare from Seto made him laugh. "Right, you can't exactly tell me that."

Seto shook his head incredulously. 'Obviously I can't.'

"I got it!" Joey slammed his fist into his open palm, a grin on his face. Seto hissed in surprise at the sudden movement, arching his back and unsheathing small claws. "Calm down, Kaiba," Joey reproached, "As I was saying, we should talk to Yugi. He may know a way to figure this out."

'Now you're thinking, for once,' Seto said approvingly.

"Ah, I get it now," Joey said as he shook his head, "that's why you were being nice to Yuge. So he'd help you out."

Seto sniffed in contempt at the remark, scowling up at Joey. 'No, I did that just to make your pathetic brain work for a probable solution.' He padded over to the door, sitting down before it importantly. 'Move it, mutt,' Seto ordered as he glanced back at the blonde. He wanted to get back to his normal six foot one self as quickly as possibly.

Joey smirked wickedly, mischief glinting in his dark eyes. "Not so fast, Kaiba," he said leisurely as he sauntered into the kitchen. "I've got a bunch of food to put away first. You can just wait."

When Seto hissed irately, Joey held up a warning finger. "We could just not go at all and you can stay as a cat forever," he proposed, the somber expression on his face ruined by the playful light in his eyes.

Seto lay flat on the carpet, ears down and tail tucked close to his side. He was the picture of feline innocence as he sat wide-eyed and absolutely motionless. Not so much as a whisker twitched as Joey eyed him.

"That's more like it."

'Damn you,' Seto growled, flexing his claws in frustration.

"What was that?" Joey asked all too pleasantly, "That sounded like complaining to me."

"Mew..."

Joey grinned from ear to ear, immensely enjoying being able to force Kaiba to be civil. "I thought so." Chuckling to himself, Joey began to unpack the groceries with insanely slow purpose.

He wasn't so cruel as to take an eternity putting the groceries away, but he did make Seto wait for a decent amount of time and it was driving the cat to the edge of madness. Joey deemed it Kaiba's just reward for the multiple scratches, bites, and hisses--not to mention the countless insults from the day they'd met.

Joey felt slightly saddened that his fun ended so quickly as he placed a bag of sugarcoated cereal in its proper place. "All right," he said ceremoniously as he closed the last cabinet, "that about does it. You ready to go, Kaiba?" He looked back at the cat, catching the vengeful glare of the icy blue eyes.

'I was ready to go forty-five minutes ago,' Seto replied shortly as he climbed to his paws with a stretch.

As Joey opened the door, Seto stepped out in front of him, intending to lead as he was so accustomed to. Joey raised an eyebrow in inquiry, "Oh, you know where Yugi's house is from here?"

Seto halted in mid-step, realizing he didn't even know where in Domino he was currently located. With a short, clipped laugh, Joey led the way at a leisurely pace. Seto followed reluctantly, forced to walk briskly just to remain level with the blonde.

Seto had just about reached his limit. His paws were tremendously sore after walking nearly a mile on the hot concrete; and in this body he simply did not have the stamina he usually possessed to travel such a distance. And Joey had mentioned a moment ago that they were about halfway to Yugi's. Meowing in protest to Joey, Seto sat down for a small rest while licking his burning pads delicately.

Joey stopped, looking back at the stationary cat. "You're tired already?" he asked in disbelief. He'd always thought Kaiba was more athletic.

Ears back in anger, Seto hissed at the blonde. 'You try walking a mile in this puny form! You'll be just as exhausted!'

As if understanding Seto, Joey grinned sheepishly. "I guess a mile is a lot longer of a distance to a cat." He knelt down on one knee, peering at Seto with annoyingly infinite good humor. Chuckling, he prodded Seto's side and added, "Especially a cat as scrawny as you!"

'I'm not scrawny!' Seto swatted at the offending hand, missing completely as he was lifted into the air by two small, chubby hands. "Kitty!" a young pig-tailed girl squealed with delight, clutching Seto tightly as her wide-eyed little brother watched eagerly.

Seto hissed indignantly, raising a paw to scratch at the girl. He was halted when Joey cleared his throat, glaring at the cat. "I'm not helping a cat who isn't nice to little kids," Joey mentioned casually to Seto.

Ears drooping dejectedly, Seto allowed himself to be hugged, squeezed and snuggled to near suffocation by the two young children, feeling very much like a rag doll. The siblings shrieked with laughter and clapped their plump little hands each time Seto meowed in complaint when they pulled his fur or tugged his tail. Joey seemed to find it incredibly hilarious to watch Seto suffer the infamous torture of overenthusiastic children. Only when they began to argue over holding "the cute kitty-cat" and starting a tug-O-war with him, did Joey intervene. Somehow he thought not even Kaiba deserved that much ill treatment.

"Sorry, kids, but we gotta get going," Joey said regretfully, gently lifting Seto out of their grasp. "Say bye to the kitty-cat so we can go."

"Bye-bye, kitty!" the young pair called, waving merrily as they trotted off in the direction of Domino Park, already plotting ways to capture the park's many squirrels and pigeons.

Seto shook himself off, muttering darkly. 'Little heathens,' he scoffed, eyes so narrowed they became almost slits.

"Whaddya know? There are people who like cats," Joey snickered, placing Seto back on the sidewalk. "Now, are you gonna be able to keep up with your 'poor little' paws or not?"

'I'm not a weakling!' Seto answered waspishly.

'Curse these pathetic paws,' Seto complained miserably, his tail waving in vexation.

"Oy, watch the tail!" Joey commanded. He glared at the cat perched unsteadily on his shoulder as he smacked the bushy gray tail out of his face. Joey halted momentarily, his eye catching a familiar turtle-adorned sign. His expression brightened immensely at the familiar sight of the Kame Game Shop. "Finally, we're here!" He picked up his pace, energy restored by the prospect of seeing his best friend and finding a way to get his enemy back to normal and out of his life.

'It's about damn time,' Seto remarked as Joey pushed open the front door. The bell rang in tune with the one dangling from Seto's collar as they entered the shop.

End of Chapter 3 (Yes, I'm just that mean to end it there)

KT: Huzzah! Chapter three has come to a close!

Seto: How much longer is this going to last?

KT: As long as I can possibly make it.

Seto: Damn….

KT: Oh! And Happy Birthday to you, Jaku-chan! (I wrote this the day of your birthday, but didn't update until now!)

Seto: Your theme park will be completed in a few days…

KT: I wish I had that kind of money.

Seto: Ha! Peasant.


	4. Cat Worship 101

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own it. If I did, I'd have given Jaku-chan the perfect birthday present (Yes, it has something to do with an attractive, young, blue-eyed CEO….) Oh, and I don't own Animal Planet, either.

Summary: Joey is granted one wish that he believes is nothing more than a joke, but Seto Kaiba isn't laughing when he finds himself in the body of a helpless kitten. Can he trust his canine enemy long enough to return to his former self? (Non-Yaoi)

(One day I'll actually stop putting the summary in the intro…)

Warnings: Nothing new.

Notes:

'Kitty speech'

"Normal speech"

/Hikari to Yami/

/Yami to Hikari/

"_Thoughts_"

(Random authoress remarks)

_**Authoress Note:**_

Yami and Yugi are in separate bodies. Why? Because it allows for diversity, multi-person conversations, and….because I'm the writer of this fic and I want to! Muahahahahaha! Seto: And everyone says I'm obsessed with power…

KT: Nyahaha! Another installment of kitty torture!

Seto: I thought you liked cats, and me! Why must you torture me?

KT: I do like cats and you. But you're just so much fun to pester, especially when you're a kitty!

Seto: I hate you.

KT: But…Seto-chan wa daisuki desu!

Seto: Koneko-san wa kirai desu…

KT: I'm not talking to you anymore…

Seto: I'm not complaining.

KT: ……

**Massive Note of Doom: **Readers, you're going to make me cry. This story has reached **245** hits. Yes, I'm overjoyed about that, of course. But what's got me depressed is that only 22 reviews have been left. **_22!_** I accept anonymous reviews, so that can't be an excuse. Please, please, pleas, beloved readers drop a review; it doesn't have to be long, a single sentence works, just a "Yay, Seto", even. Please, it only takes a minute and I could use the comments/luff/ideas to further improve the story. I'm not demanding reviews, that's evil, just begging for a bit of input from the people this fis is written for. I'm not planning on adding the next chapter until I've managed to reach 50 reviews, Nyaha! Much luff to you all, and enjoy chapter 4!

Chapter 4: Cat Worship 101

Yugi looked up from cleaning the already spotless display case when the store bell rang, signaling the arrival of friends or potential customers. The young duelist was glad to see it was the former.

"Hi, Joey!" he greeted joyously as the blonde stepped through the door. He blinked in confusion at the blonde's feline companion, sitting so regally on Joey's shoulder as if it were Nature's gift to the world. "How'd you get the cat to do that without scratching you, Joey?"

Joey laughed as Seto gave Yugi an exasperated look. "Well, it was the quickest and most logical way to get here. And we know Kaiba's all about logic."

'How subtle,' Seto remarked sarcastically, fairly amused by Yugi's baffled expression.

"Joey," Yugi said slowly, "I know the cat acts like Kaiba, but is it really appropriate to name it after him?"

Seto shook his head in disbelief. 'He's worse than the mutt.'

Joey flicked Seto's nose in warning. "Enough," he ordered as he turned back to Yugi and ignored the cat's indignant meow. "Okay, Yug. I know this is gonna sound really weird, but, this cat doesn't just act like Kaiba. He _is_ Kaiba."

"What?" Yugi asked as he laughed slightly at what he thought was another one of Joey's odd jokes. He froze instantly when the cat nodded, giving him an all too familiar penetrating glare. "It's not possible!"

'That's my line,' Seto muttered to himself, knowing full well no one understood him.

"That's what I said," Joey replied as he placed Seto on the ground. "But he wrote a pretty clear message." He frowned down at the feline. "And a pretty rude one, at that."

'You got the point, didn't you?' Seto retorted, cleaning a paw absentmindedly. He narrowed his eyes slightly, giving him a supremely smug expression.

"But how did it happen?" Yugi asked, still having difficultly comprehending the news.

Joey shrugged. "That's what we thought you could tell us."

Yugi shook his head. "I don't know anything about people turning into cats. That's definitely not something I've ever seen happen before." But his young, wide-eyed face suddenly brightened, "but maybe Yami has! He's seen all kinds of weird curses and spells in Egypt!" He left the room hastily in search of his other as Seto muttered what the youth guessed was a complaint about "more Egypt stories". Allowing his mind to forget the still fresh shock of seeing his rival as a tiny white kitten, Yugi focused his thoughts on the presence of the Puzzle's Spirit. /Yami! Where are you? We've got a bit of a problem. /

/What is it, Aibou// Yami's mental voice asked in a worried tone. Yugi nevered called false alarms, and 'a bit of a problem' usually wasn't so small to call 'a bit'. /Is something wrong//

/Well, yea. Kaiba's gotten himself into a predicament/ Yugi replied slowly, bracing himself for the expected response.

/So? Why should I care about what Kaiba's done? He can take care of himself, or so he tells us each time we help him. / Yami's tone was bitter and harsh as he referred to the bothersome--in his opinion--CEO.

Yugi sighed, heading up the stairs to his room, where he felt Yami's presence was strongest. /But this time he can't get out of it himself/

Curiosity piqued, Yami couldn't help but inquire//How so//

"Kaiba's a what?" Yami demanded out loud forgetting in his startlement that he could speak silently as he followed Yugi into the room where Joey and Seto waited.

Seto narrowed his eyes at the ex-pharaoh with annoyance. Of course his rival was going to torment him while he couldn't fight back. He flexed his claws in preparation; even if Yugi and his other were going to help him, he still would scratch Yami if need be.

Yami's crimson eyes fell on the cat that sat watching him crossly. He smirked at the sight of the CEO in a fairly helpless state, even with the claws. "Let's just toss him in the pound. If he's lucky, someone will adopt him, though I don't know who would want such a bad-tempered cat." With that said, Yami turned his back on the kitten while wearing a very smug look.

'I'll kill you for that, you spiky-haired, title-stealing, Egyptian midget!' Seto hissed irately at the pharaoh's back.

Whirling around, Yami glowered at Seto, red tinted eyes glinting dangerous. "I'm not a midget!"

Joey and Yugi froze, staring from the pharaoh to the cat as they glared each other down. Despite Seto's major disadvantage in size, he still retained his immeasurable boldness and will; Yami, as at everything the two competed at, rivaled Seto's stubbornness easily.

"Yami," Yugi asked hesitantly, "did you just understand what Kaiba said?" Since when was his other capable of communicating with animals, even if that animal happened to be Seto Kaiba.

The Egyptian spirit gazed at Yugi questioningly, cocking his head to one side in a fairly comical expression of confusion. "What? You can't?"

Joey and Yugi shook their heads in response. All they heard from Seto were the typical, everyday meows of a cat--a bad-tempered cat, but a cat nonetheless.

'Of course they can't, you fool,' Seto said with exasperation to Yami, 'How many people do you know who can talk to cats? I had to literately spell it out for Wheeler, and even then he questioned the facts.'

"Silence, cat," Yami warned, "or you'll find I wasn't joking about the pound." He grinned slightly at the cat. "He 'questioned the facts'? Like you do so often?"

Choosing not to respond to Yami and his nuisance of a question, Seto focused his attention on the spirit's smaller counterpart.

"Okay, Kaiba," Yugi said, actually having to kneel down to be at eyelevel with his rival for once. But even then he was towered over Seto, forcing the cat to back up and crane his neck to get a better look at Yugi. "Tell us what happened. We'll take it from there."

Yami began to repeat exactly what Yugi had said when Seto interrupted him snappishly. 'I could understand what he said!'

The Egyptian smiled apologetically. "Oh, right. So answer!"

Seto rolled his eyes at the Egyptian's vast idiocy. (Aw, Yami's not an idiot. He's just height challenged…) 'You didn't give me a chance to answer before you did your poor imitation of an interpreter. As I was _going_ to say, I don't know how this happened. I woke up yesterday morning stuck in this form.'

Yami relayed Seto's words to Joey and Yugi after muttering "well, that doesn't help, useless cat". The three became thoughtful as they tried to find a reason for such an occurrence. Seto began to pace in contemplation, oblivious to the bell jingling cheerfully from his collar. Just as Joey had said, he'd grown used to the collar and bell in a rather short time; he was actually quite fond of it as a stylish accessory.

Yami's eyebrow twitched in irritation, the incessant sound of the bell grinding on his royal nerves. "Will you cease that infernal racket?" he demanded of Seto, surprising the cat into standing still. "That's more like it." The spirit was on the verge of returning to his musings when that wretched bell rang again. Yami whirled around to snap at Seto, but the cat was no where to be seen as Yami realized the game shop door stood open with a familiar visitor standing tentatively in the doorway.

"Mokuba!" Yugi greeted, slightly startled by the younger Kaiba's appearance. When Mokuba didn't return the greeting in his usual chipper manner, Yugi immediately became anxious. Mokuba Kaiba had a way of always seeming happy even at the worst of times; Yugi often suspected the boy was so happy because he had an older brother that was so easy to admire. Brow knit with worry, Yugi stepped toward the silent boy. "Mokuba, what's wrong?"

The raven-haired youth looked at Yugi with gray-blue eyes that shone with unshed tears. His face was the picture of anxiety and concern. "You… you haven't heard from Seto in the past two days, have you?" he asked the young duelist, his voice low and filled with apprehension.

Yami and Joey exchanged glances, both thinking the same thought. "_So Mokuba doesn't know what happened!_" The two hastily exited the room in search of Seto, wherever he had disappeared to. They had to know why Seto hadn't informed the closest person to him about this incident.

They found the feline curled up in a corner of the living, looking the very definition of misery with drooped ears, lax tail and unfocused eyes; even his whiskers were flaccid.

"Oy, Kaiba," Joey started, standing over the cat, "why didn't you try to tell Mokuba?"

'What? And make him worry himself until he's sick?' Seto demanded in a hollow voice, 'He'll do it too. He's made himself so anxious over my wellbeing before that he was in the hospital for a month. I won't do that to him again.'

Yami murmured Seto's response to Joey, who frowned in confusion. "Well, aren't you doing that now? He's in the front room, so worried about you that he came to Yugi, your rival, in hopes of finding you!"

Seto remained silent, stunned by the realization that his beloved little brother was in such pain because of his thoughtlessness. And Joey, certainly not the brightest crayon in the box and likely duller than the black crayon, had seen the obvious when Seto had not. No matter what he did, Mokuba would be worried to death. 'I always seem to make him suffer…'

"We could change that this time," Yami said thoughtfully, gaining puzzled stares from Joey and Seto. "I think I have a way of ceasing Mokuba's worries without letting him know what happened." With an all-knowing smirk, he gestured for the pair to follow him.

Yugi, somehow guessing that Kaiba didn't want his brother to find out about recent events, played false ignorance. He wouldn't lie, but he wouldn't volunteer any information either. "Heard from him? Why would he contact me, Mokuba?"

Mokuba shook his head, his long black hair falling into his face. "I don't know. I just hoped that maybe _someone_ had heard from him. Yesterday morning, he was gone when I got up. I thought maybe he had left early to get some work done. When he didn't come home last night, I was a little worried, but he's pulled all-nighters before, so it was nothing unusual. And when he wasn't home this morning, I went by his office to check on him, and Roland told me that Seto hadn't been in for two days," Mokuba's voice cracked as he fought back tears, "If he's not at work or at home, I have no idea where he could be!" At that moment, his cell phone rang shrilly, startling both young boys into jumping back. Mokuba reached shakily into his pocket, retrieving the silver phone--Yugi hid a small smile when he spotted the chibi Blue-Eyes dangling from the phone. Mokuba's face brightened considerably at the words displayed on the small screen glowing so fiercely blue. "It's an email from Seto!" He read the message frantically, brow furrowing slightly. The worry lines on his face that had made him look far older than he was were gone, quickly being replaced with the usual laughter lines.

"What's it say?" Yugi inquired, his mind still trying to grasp how exactly Seto had managed to send an email in his current condition. Cats couldn't type, could they? And where would he have gotten a computer?

Mokuba laughed, shaking his head. "That's my typical big brother. He got called away on a spur-of-the-moment business conference, and, with tons of consecutive meetings, he only just now had time to email me. That's so Seto, overworking himself as usual!" Mokuba chuckled again, wiping away the few traces of tears as a smile appeared on his face. He'd done a complete mood flip with one little message from his beloved older brother. Mokuba nodded briefly to Yugi in a business-like manner, attempting to push away the memory of his earlier display of emotions. "Sorry for showing up like that, guess there was nothing to worry about after all. Bye, Yugi!" With a jovial wave, the younger Kaiba left the shop, grinning at the joyous ringing of the bell dangling on the door.

Yugi waved farewell to Mokuba as he silently called on his other. /Yami/

/Yes, Aibou// Yami replied pleasantly in a cheerful tone.

/What did you do/ Yugi asked curiously.

Yami chuckled, amusement tingeing his voice//Oh, nothing. Just showing Joey and Kaiba some games on your computer./

/Did any of those games have to do with email/

/Possibly./ Yami responded innocently.

Yugi shook his head, a small smile on his face. /Good job, Yami. /

"Why, thank you, Yugi," Yami said with a triumphant expression as he reappeared from the doorway, Joey and Seto following close behind. He peered down at Seto as the cat leapt onto the display counter effortlessly. "Now we've bought ourselves a bit more time to figure this out, right cat?"

Seto, to spare Yami any annoying translations, nodded in response. He was in a far better mood now that Mokuba was no longer worrying over his welfare. Problems could be solved now that neither brother was preoccupied with fretting over the other.

"Then let's figure this out!" Joey said as he glanced at Seto, "I don't like not knowing what kind of insulting names you're calling me."

Seto sniffed in contempt, glaring at the blonde wickedly. There was an impishly playful and amused gleam to his eyes. 'All those grand insults, fallen on deaf ears,' he said in a voice that was both regretful and wistful.

Yami shot Seto a warning look. He knew Seto had been joking slightly, but he still had to caution the cat. "You're going to have to ease up on what you call Joey. I can hear you, remember?"

"Yea, why is that?" Joey asked, for once not the only one who was clueless. Everyone's gaze fell to the floor as they mulled over that fact. What difference was there between Yugi and Yami that allowed the pharaoh to hear a cat's words?

'I can't believe I'm suggesting this,' Seto started, breaking the silence, 'but, it may have to do with the fact that ancient Egyptians were said to be able to communicate with cats if they were blessed by Bastet, the Goddess who's patron animal was the cat.'

Yami smirked devilishly. "I didn't realize you knew so much about ancient Egyptian mythology," he teased.

Seto shot Yami a dark glare, choosing not to respond verbally, but to take a swing at the pharaoh's oversized hair. (Lesser creatures have been enveloped whole by that great hairy beast, much like an unholy black-and maroon and gold-hole, never to be seen again.)

As Yami dodged the claws nimbly, Joey growled in a foreboding tone, "Don't start that again, Kaiba. You know what I'll do."

'Empty threats; you don't have that vile water bottle with you, Wheeler,' Seto hissed venomously in response. His decently good mood vanished immediately when he heard the threat.

Yami blinked with bafflement from the blonde to the cat. "Water bottle?"

Joey grinned evilly. "Oh, yea, the water bottle." He waved a hand dismissively. "I didn't mean that, Kaiba. I meant the way to make you a perfectly friendly cat. Did it twice before, I can do it again."

'You wouldn't!' Back arched, Seto hissed viciously at Joey.

Yugi and Yami exchanged perplexed glances as Joey advanced on Seto. As Seto attempted to move away, Joey seized him by his collar, turning to his friends with a triumphant smile. "Wanna see me perform magic?" He held Seto in one hand, ignoring the cat's fierce struggles to escape. Yami was grateful Yugi couldn't understand Cat as he heard the impressive string of curses Seto growled at Joey; such words could have tainted his Aibou's innocence permanently. Yugi and Yami remained silent, unsure of what Joey planned to do, although it was obvious Kaiba didn't want it to happen.

And thus, Joey used his newly discovered ultimate weapon.

Seto cringed under the petting, powerless to fight it off yet again. 'Damn you…' Despite his attempts to stop it, he was reduced to purring like any run of the mill kitten, even leaning into the strokes.

"See," Joey said triumphantly to the flabbergasted Yami and Yugi, "I've learned the secret technique to make Kaiba nice and friendly. Attention is the key!" (I wanna pet Seto! Share, Joey!) He ceased the petting quickly, feeling he'd tormented and humiliated Seto enough.

Seto gazed sullenly at the blonde, ears flopped down. 'You'll pay for that, you idiotic, good for nothing, lowly cur.'

Yami chuckled at Seto's mood and remark. "I told you to ease up, Kaiba, don't forget Joey just taught us that useful little trick."

'I'm surrounded by vicious cat-torturers,' Seto mumbled, shaking himself off.

"All the more incentive to return to your normal self," Yami replied as he absently brushed a golden lock from his eyes.

"But, we can't do that until we've found out how this happened in the first place," Yugi stated in a quiet tone.

"Well," Joey said, dropping Seto back on the counter, "Kaiba can just stay here until you guys figure it out, right?"

Seto flipped his ears back, debating which was the lesser of the two evils. The mutt or that sadistic spirit? Yami answered the question for him.

"Oh, no he can't!"

"Why not?" Joey demanded.

Yami crossed his arms as he answered with a victorious grin. "Because Grandpa Mutou is allergic to cats."

'Why is everyone allergic to cats?' Seto asked aloud with irritation. 'It's a conspiracy. The world is trying to dispose of cats once and for all!'

"Not everything is a conspiracy based on getting rid of you and those animals you like so much, Kaiba," Yami responded with a furrowed brow.

'Prove it. Do you have the evidence to support the fact that people indeed are _not_ trying to exterminate felines? As I've seen, people are quite fond of tosses cats on the street while they coddle their precious canines. They have no difficulty around dogs, but sneezing fits and other allergy symptoms seem to control them when a cat is present. I've represented my side of the case, let's see your's,' Seto retorted, not remotely out of breath after that mini-speech. When Yami didn't attempt at an answer, Seto grinned smugly in victory. If there was one he thing he had an advantage over Yami at, it was debates. Yami may have been a well-spoken Pharaoh, but a quick-witted, overly intelligent CEO had the obvious upper hand at out speaking someone.

Yugi and Joey watched the half-silent conversation, feeling decidedly excluded from what seemed like an interesting argument. "Uhm, Yami," Yugi said, bringing the pharaoh's attention back to him, "can we get back to our current problem, please?"

Yami nodded in affirmation, shooting Seto an arrogant 'He called you a problem' look and receiving a low growl in response. Returning his crimson gaze back to his Hikari, Yami said slowly, "I'm not certain, but I believe I've heard of a spell like this. I'll have to look it up, although it will take some time to dig up the old texts. With Isis's help, it should take but a day or two."

"Well," Joey said with a crooked smile, "you got my number. Just give me a ring when you find it, I have to get home and make dinner before my dad starts grumbling again." He chuckled wryly, not remotely amused by his father's usual attitude. "And I think there was something else I had to do," he murmured thoughtfully, scratching the back of his head, "but I can't remember what it was."

Yugi and Yami nodded. "Okay then. Bye, Joey," both said in unison, smiling at each other.

Flipping a hand in farewell, Joey headed to the door. Glancing back at Seto, he called, "Hey, cat! Move it."

Purely to repay Joey for the earlier waiting game in the kitchen, Seto took his time stretching luxuriously before padding after the blonde and out of the shop. As the door closed behind them, Seto's ears flipped back. He was not relishing the long walk back. But Joey had other plans in mind as he snatched Seto up and trotted quickly to the bus stop.

As the bus crawled into view, Joey said hurriedly to the cat, "Keep quiet and don't move. Animals ain't allowed on buses and I'm in no mood to walk all the way back home, so if the bus driver sees ya, you're walking back on your own." Seto blinked in answer, twitching his long whiskers slightly. "And you're paying me back for the bus fare, too," Joey added as he dug one-handed into his pocket for a dollar bill.

'A measly dollar? I could pay for a million bus fares and not be affected,' Seto scoffed in reply.

Joey, guessing correctly at what Seto had said, scowled. "Not everyone's got as much cash as you, rich boy." Seto couldn't respond as the bus came to a screeching halt before them and he was stuffed hastily into Joey's jacket pocket. Seto decided immediately that Joey was purposely trotting up the bus steps simply to jostle him. Once the bus began moving again, after a great deal of jerking and jolting, Seto managed to make himself comfortable. The trip was utterly uneventful, so much so that Seto found himself dozing off in the decently sized pocket, thankfully free of forgotten snacks or abandoned pens. He wasn't sure why, but ever since he'd found himself as a cat, he'd needed a great deal more sleep than he usually required--and often went without. His drowsy mind brushed it off as a simple feline reflex and left it at that.

When they did reach their destination, Seto was jarred awake as Joey leapt down the steps of the bus, humming absentmindedly to himself. With a bit of wriggling and squirming, Seto was able to get out of the pocket, leaping nimbly to the ground as Joey paused to find his keys. The blonde blinked in surprise at Seto's appearance. "Oh, I forgot about you," he said with a sheepish grin, pulling the keys from his jeans pocket. Seto fought the sudden urge to bat at the keys, with all their shiny, jingly glory, his reasoning being the keys were far too out of reach in Joey's hand.

Joey chuckled, noticing Seto's steady gaze on the keys, and purposely shook them. Seto's ears perked forward as the keys sang happily; he wanted so badly to catch the shiny little beasties, although he didn't know the reason why. "You're more like a cat than I thought." Joey's amused remark snapped Seto back to reality as he tore his gaze away from the keys and focused on the far less appealing horizon where the sun was headed on its nightly trip. No matter what, he refused to look at those enticing metal demons again. Joey spared him much in the way of using his willpower as the blonde opened the apartment door and returned the keys to their former home in his pocket.

As Joey disappeared into the kitchen, muttering to himself about trying to remember what else he was supposed to do, Seto strolled around the living room. Occasionally, he'd glare at or swat the squirt bottle, amused by its helplessness. An idea coming to mind, Seto smirked wickedly at the container of water. He'd just figured out a way to gain revenge on the watery tormentor, and as long as the mutt was occupied in the kitchen, he'd be able to pull off the plan without a hitch. Clamping the neck of the bottle firmly in his fangs, Seto dragged his victim beneath the couch. If water bottles could scream, that particular one would have been screeching its poor little head off as it was brutally murdered by a very angry, very vengeful feline.

Joey, an eerie suspicion creeping down his spine that Seto was up to no good, emerged from the kitchen. He wasn't completely shocked to see the cat was no where in sight; it only furthered his hunch of foul play. (Don't get gutter minded, I meant foul play as in mischief.) An inkling suggested he check under the couch, and what he found both surprised him and made him laugh. Reaching beneath the sofa, he dragged out Seto and his defenseless victim.

"You really do like to dispose of your enemies, don't you?" Joey asked as he examined the squirt bottle. The thin blue plastic was covered in countless punctures from disturbingly sharpened fangs and claws; in some places, entire sections were tore off, leaving the bottle with more holes than Swiss cheese. Seto had also figured out how to unscrew the top even with the hindrance of paws and thus gnawed the straw into nothing more than a mess of useless plastic. Now, even if Joey had a replacement container, the actual nozzle was ineffective.

Despite being held upside-down by his tail, Seto wore a self-satisfied look, quite proud of his work. Joey wanted to be angry, really, but the devastated bottle and Kaiba's sincerely smug expression were too much. Collapsing to the couch, dropping Seto on the cushion beside him, Joey broke into fits of laughter.

Seto stared in bewildered shock at the blonde. He had honestly believed Joey would be infuriated at the destruction of his property, but here he was, laughing hysterically.

'He's finally lost it,' Seto thought aloud, utterly baffled by such peculiar antics.

Ruffling Seto's ears, Joey eased up his laughter slightly. "You're funnier than I gave you credit for, Kaiba."

'That wasn't meant to be funny, it was revenge!' Seto grumbled, disliking his intentions being misinterpreted.

Chuckling at irregular intervals, Joey climbed back to his feet. "Just try not to do that to all my stuff," he said, taking the remains of the squirt bottle into the kitchen for disposal.

Seto scoffed at the remark. 'So long as they do not choose to attack me, I shall not destroy any of your worthless belongings, Wheeler,' he responded, entering the kitchen. He froze in his tracks, nose to the air. A wondrous scent was coming from the counter where Joey stood preparing unknown food. That smell instantly reminded Seto just how hungry he was. Bracing himself on the cabinet door, Seto stood on his hind legs, meowing in curiosity, with just a hint of begging. (At least he isn't doing what my cats do, and bombarding poor Joey from the top of the fridge.)

Joey peered down at Seto and, realizing the cat was interested in what the identity of the food was, held up a slice of salmon. He grinned slightly. "You seriously like fish, huh?" he asked, glancing from the cat to the strip of fish in his hands. Seto meowed in response, icy blue eyes riveted to the pink piece of salmon. Joey frowned slightly in thought, weighing the fish in his hand. "Can cats eat raw fish?"

'Cats catch and eat fish all the time!' Seto snapped, his hunger quickly bringing out the worst of his temper, 'don't you watch Animal Planet, you simpleton?' (Yay, Animal Planet!)

"Hey! I'm not sharing any of this fish with you if you're gonna be a jerk about it! The stuff ain't cheap, after all."

Seto immediately sat down, meowing in his most innocent tone. Shrugging, Joey tossed the strip of meat to the cat. Without a second thought, Seto snatched the fish out of the air effortlessly. Joey applauded at the display of lightning fast reflexes before returning to the dinner preparations as Seto busied himself with his newly acquired meal. They were both surprised into jumping backwards by unexpected knocking on the apartment door. Frowning, Joey opened the front door as he wiped his hands clean of fish residue. Doing a double-take, he yelped in surprise at seeing his visitor.

"Serenity?"

End of Chapter 4

KT: …..

Seto: Still not talking to me?

KT: Hai….

Seto: You just did.

KT: Dammit!

Seto: Moron.

KT: Shut up.

Seto: Bitter moron.


	5. How Cats Can Torment Rivals

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

Disclaimer: Nuh-uh, no owning going on here.

Summary: Joey is granted one wish that he believes is nothing more than a joke, but Seto Kaiba isn't laughing when he finds himself in the body of a helpless kitten. Can he trust his canine enemy long enough to return to his former self? (Non-Yaoi)

(Why haven't I gotten rid of this yet? I'm just that lazy, huh? I just can't highlight it and click 'delete'….how sad.)

**Authoress Note: **Much thanks for all those reviews (I know, I said I wouldn't update until reviews hit 50, but I figured you've all been patient enough)! When I uploaded chapter 4, I wasn't expecting so much feed back so quickly! Thank you so much to all that read this, and double thanks for those that take the time to review! Also, this is not going to be a SetoXSerenity fic, just using Serenity as a form of torment for Joey. Nyaha!

Warnings: No changes.

Notes (_of unimportance_):

'Kitty speech (_that must be acknowledged and obeyed at all costs)_'

"Normal speech (_that should be ignored if from a mutt, midget or pharaoh)"_

/Hikari to Yami (_really nothing important going on there_)/

/Yami to Hikari (_again, not important_)/

"_Thoughts (are you so rude as to listen to another person's personal thoughts?)_"

(Random authoress remarks _that her muse believes are completely irrelevant, just like this story_.) KT: Seto! Stop changing my notes!

KT: Oh, yea! The fifth chapter!

Seto: Why haven't you curled up and died yet?

KT: I've got fics to work on, silly muse!

Seto: I'm hoping you define "work on" as burn all evidence of their existence.

KT: No, I define "work on" as upload a few chapters and take months to get around to new ones...

Chapter 5: How Cats Can Torment Rivals

"Serenity?" Joey asked again in a startled voice. "What are you doing here?"

The brunette cocked her head to one side, long strands of her hair falling unhindered into her chestnut eyes. "Joey, I told you I was coming over today, remember?" When her brother didn't respond as he frowned in concentration, Serenity giggled. "Big brother, you're so forgetful! We made these plans weeks ago. It was my birthday present to you!" Smiling in her carefree fashion, she tossed her luggage neatly beside the door.

"Oh, yea! I completely forgot!" Joey nearly fell backwards as the memories returned full-force, hitting him almost physically. (Honestly, memories coming back that fast seem to have physical strength, it's happened to me before. Not fun at all.)

Seto, having just emerged from the kitchen in time to witness Joey's stumbling, chuckled darkly. 'That looked painful. So it's true, mutts are not meant to think...' Still laughing quietly to himself, he sat down and began to wash a paw clean of fish remains.

Serenity blinked down at the cat. "Joey, when did you get a cat?" she asked with her eyes still on Seto as she appeared to be restraining herself from utterly glomping the kitten. She waved happily as Seto peered up at her with curious blue eyes. He'd never really had a chance to meet the mutt's younger sister and knew very little of her personality; he had to remind himself to be cautious, she may appear sweet and innocent, but anything could lie beneath that pleasant, happy exterior.

Joey muttered some half-brained explanation of how he happened to end up with a cat. It wasn't a lie, but it certainly revealed nothing about _who_ the cat was. But Serenity, being the honest--and nearly gullible-- person that she was, didn't question her brother's answer in the slightest. Seto was in the process of thinking her too naive for her own good when she knelt down in front of him with a wide grin. Instinctively, he stepped back, his natural apprehension and distrust of people kicking in.

Serenity offered a delicate hand to the cat, immediately picking up on its nervousness. "It's all right, kitty," she coaxed, "I'm not going to pick on you like my big brother probably did." She glanced at Joey with a teasing grin, signaling to him that she was only kidding. Joey just rolled his eyes, fighting the temptation to make a scathing remark about Kaiba being a 'scaredy cat'.

Pushing instincts aside as he was so accustomed to doing, Seto stepped back to his former place and simply watched Serenity's outstretched hand just milimeters from his whiskers. Taking that as a gesture of acceptance, Serenity reached her hand out a bit farther to scratch behind the cat's soft ears. When Seto didn't immediately withdraw from the hand, Serenity became a bit more bold and picked him up gently.

"Aren't you just the most adorable kitty!" she crooned, a bright smile on her face.

Seto was about to squirm out of her grip when he caught Joey's highly annoyed expression. It dawned on him then and there; Joey wouldn't like his little sister coddling and fawning over his worst enemy. He smirked as well as any cat could possibly smirk, causing his whiskers to curl slightly at the tips.

Oh, yes, torture could be a sweet, sweet thing.

"Aww!" Serenity squealed with delight as she watched Seto attempt to catch his tail. "Isn't he the cutest, Joey?"

Joey, seated beside Serenity on the couch, merely grunted an inaudible response as he did his best to focus on the television screen. For the past fifteen minutes he had been attempting just that, doing everything in his power to tune out his sister's cheerful laughter and exclaimations each time Seto did something she deemed remotely cute. And Seto had been doing everything in _his_ power to further amuse Serenity, thus further annoying Joey.

"I'll be right back, kitty," Serenity said gently to Seto, "I'm going to try and find something good for you to eat." She picked up Seto, giving him what's commonly called an 'Eskimo Kiss' (1). "You stay put and try to cheer big brother up, 'kay?" Seto simply flipped his ears back, fighting the temptation to roll his eyes.

The moment she disappeared in the kitchen, Joey had Seto by his collar and held him at eyelevel. "I know what you're trying to do," the blonde growled, keeping his voice low lest Serenity hear. "And it's not going to work, so you can just cut it out."

'That pulsing vein in your forehead says otherwise, mutt' Seto commented idly as he glared fullforce back at the teen.

"Joey! What are you doing to that poor cat!" Serenity demanded with shock as she emerged from the kitchen. The bowl, can opener, and can of tuna she held tumbled to the floor unhindered as she stared in overly dramatized horror.

Immediately, Joey released Seto--who landed lightly on the couch cushion--and grinned innocently up as his scowling sister. Seto was mildly surprised to find Serenity had decent skill when it came to looks of disapproval, and silently applauded how skillfully she cowed Joey.

"I was just playing with him," Joey said appeasingly, putting on his best 'sweet-and-innocent' smile. As if in demonstration of his well-meaning, he began to pet Seto, albeit rather roughly, pushing the cat into the smothering cushions. Seto hissed in aggitation, snapping at Joey's thumb with his sharp little fangs. Joey yelped in pain, removing his hand from Seto and promptly shoving his thumb in his mouth, as both a way to null the pain and cease any curses about to be hollered. (At least he doesn't curse in front of his sister. Good boy, Joey!)

Serenity, possibly sensing a breaking temper from Joey, swiftly scooped up Seto. "Joey, he's just a kitten, you can't be so rough and expect _not_ to get bitten," she stated simply as she perched Seto on her shoulder like a white, furred parrot. Joey scoffed but didn't say anything as he stood up and trudged to his room. There was a muttered, "Goin' to bed. Night."

Seto chuckled to himself as he bathed a paw. 'I didn't know dogs had thumbs to suck on. Apparently geniuses like myself can still learn new things.'

Serenity, craning her neck to look properly at Seto, smiled sweetly. "I guess you're hungry, huh?" Receiving a small, answering meow from the cat, she bent to pick up the scattered dinner items that had been forgotten up until then. Seto had set up the bowl of tuna before the can was half emptied, silently thankful that no one had tried to offer him cat food as a meal. As he ate Serenity left and, without any thoughts of the peculiarities of talking to a cat, told Seto that she was "going to get ready for bed. Big day tomorrow." Seto paused and blinked at those words; something had rung a bell about January twenty-eighth, something he recalled despising the idea of, but he had still been obligated to do it. But, for the life of him, he couldn't remember just what it was.

Deciding it was likely a business meeting or dinner party, Seto shrugged and returned to his meal, not giving it another thought. Once finished, Serenity--now dressed in pale pink pajamas with little white bunnies--scooped him up again and carried him to Joey's bedroom, where she had an overstuffed pink sleeping bag set up on the floor beside her brother's bed.

Settling into the sleeping bag, Serenity grinned as Seto curled up beside her pillow. "Don't like sleeping bags?" Seto simply blinked at her, twitching an ear and yawning. With a shrug, the girl snuggled deeper into the warm confines the bag. "Then it's a good thing cats don't go on camping trips. Good night, kitty." With a contented sigh she fell into a deep sleep almost instantly.

Seto's eyes widened. The school camping trip. _That's_ what he had forgotten about. He had been dreading tomorrow for weeks, ever since the school had announced it. He was a bit too comfortable around technology to find himself enjoying the Great Outdoors, but his homeroom teacher had refused to let him find a way out of the trip, calling it a "mandatory activity."

Well, he had managed to find a out of it, hadn't he? As far as anyone knew--except Joey, Yugi, and Yami--he was in another country on an emergency business trip. No teacher, however determined to make his life miserable, would travel out of Domino to get him.

With an amused laugh, Seto lay his head down and closed his eyes. For the first time in the past forty-eight hours, he quite untroubled about being in the body of a small cat.

Afterall, "cats don't go on camping trips."

Or so he thought...

End of Chapter 5

KT: Meow!

Seto: That's cat for "I've grown tired of this story and plan on removing it and destroying all evidence of its existence. Then I will do the world a favor and dispose of myself and my meaningless existence as well, so that my muse can go free and continue on with his own life".

KT: You must speak a different feline dialect...

Lots of love and thanks for your compliments/comments/remarks/suggestions/demands-for-updates! It makes my day every time I see a review in my mailbox! And I'm getting closer to that dreamed-of 100! (Random note: I got a hamster for Christmas. He's just about the cutest, fluffiest, and greatest hamster ever. Only bad thing is... when I call him by name, he tries to bite me. I guess it's to be so when you name a hamster Seto... the bitter little bugger!)

(1) Eskimo Kiss- An Eskimo Kiss is typically defined as two people rubbing their noses together, without any actual kissing taking place (usually done to babies and animals).


	6. Cat Versus Wilderness Round One

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

* * *

**Disclaimer**: Still don't own it, no real surprise there. And I don't own Starbucks, or Columbia. No real snakes were harmed in the writing of this chapter.

* * *

**Readers: **Thank you all so very much for those wonderful reviews. I appreciate each and everyone, and some of them got a few laughs out of me. I'm glad you all enjoy it as much as you say. And yet again, thank you so, so, sooooo much for the reviews! Very sorry it took so long to update, I lost inspiration while getting caught up in school, work, and hamsters.

* * *

**Note: **For those that asked what was said in the beginning of Chapter 4 (KT: But, Seto-chan wa daisuki desu! Seto: Koneko-san wa kirai desu!) it reads as this:

"KT: But I really like Seto!

Seto: I strongly dislike/hate Ms. Koneko."

* * *

**Warnings**: Language. Coffee fiends. Snake battle.

* * *

Notes:

'Kitty speech'

"Normal speech_"_

/Hikari to Yami/

//Yami to Hikari//

"_Thoughts_"

(Yes, the random authoress remarks are being replaced with foot-notes. Thanks reviewer that informed me that it messed with the flow of the story.)

* * *

KT: Oh, this chapter is going to be fun.

Seto: Let me say this now... I hate you.

KT: Aw, the feeling's not mutual, hun!

Seto: Seriously? I would have thought otherwise with the way you torment me.

KT: Torture is just a peculiar expression of love!

* * *

Chapter 6: Cat Versus Wilderness Round One

* * *

Oh, he could have pointed it out the night before.

But why? It was so much more amusing to watch this particular series of events.

Seto chuckled with pure amusement at the spectacle before him. 'Who knew the blonde could be so entertaining?'

Of course, Joey wasn't -trying- to entertain. Oh, Heaven's no. The blonde was currently racing with a frantic air about the apartment, desperately gathering the much needed camping supplies. He could have--should have--packed it all yesterday, but a certain CEO-turned-feline had been kind enough to provide him with new problems that skillfully chased away camping preparation worries. And besides, he had planned on getting up early in the morning and packing.

Sadly, Fate had decided otherwise for poor Joey. His alarm clock had been unplugged and he blamed that smug little cat perched so primly on the couch arm. Okay, so maybe it really wasn't Seto's fault. After all, Joey had torn the connection of machine and wall last week after being driven to near insanity by the damnable thing's malfunctioning screeches. But he could still blame Kaiba, just because of that superior expression currently worn on delicately silvered muzzle.

And as if providing his rival with a source of amusement wasn't enough, Joey was forced to endure Serenity's motherly chidings.

"Joey, you really should have had this all taken care of last night," Serenity attempted to keep her tone serious, but the task was proven difficult as Joey tried valiantly to brush his hair, pull on socks, and load an overstuffed duffle bag with further clothes. "And why're you bringing so much clothes? It's only for two nights."

'They'll need kindling, of course,' was Seto's reply, though naturally the Wheelers understood nothing of it.

Joey, being a bit cleverer than most gave him credit for, shot Seto a glare. He could guess the general idea of what the cat had remarked on, seeing as everything spoken was some form of insult or another. Seto was, however, spared any further retaliation on Joey's side as enthusiastic knocking called the blonde to the door.

The door had hardly opened a crack before it was kicked harshly out of Joey's hand by a fiercely grinning Tristan. The fellow teen was either overdosed on coffee and donuts or just too eager to go camping. Could have easily been a dangerous mix of both, considering the way he was twitching in place and uttering small, strange noises.

"You're not packed yet, man?" Tristan demanded in general disbelief, his horrified expression replaced for a mere second with a smiled greeting at Serenity.

Joey heaved a sigh, already weary of his friend's current mood. "Forgot to set my alarm clock. I'm almost done, be patient."

"Patient? Patient?!" The very word seemed to offend Tristan to his very core.

Seto hasitly sought refuge beneath the couch, thoroughly wary of the boy's clearly unstable condition.

Curled hands whipped out to grasp the front of Joey's T-shirt, pulling the blonde to a hair's breadth of Tristan's face. Voice low and dangerous, he whispered, "Don't give me excuses, I want results. I want camping. Now!" The last word became a shout, causing all present to jump in surprise.

Pushing the crazed boy (1) away, Joey growled. "Ease up, man. Didja drink all the coffee in Columbia this morning, or what?" He waved a hand in front of his face, nose wrinkled in disgust. "Geez, I think a dragon with morning breath could do less damage than you right now."

Tristan didn't answer, his mind focused on something of more interest. Crouched on the floor, neck craned to see under the couch, was Serenity.

"Come on out, won't you?" she crooned, trying to coax Seto from his current location.

Pointed ears flipped back, eyes narrowing. 'Do you think I'm insane? That mono-spiked wonder has more caffiene in his system than the entire Starbucks chain.' To emphasize his point, he wriggled further from Serenity's reach.

With a sad little sigh, Serenity straightened. "Okay, suit yourself." Before she had time to think of a possible way to tempt the cat out, her problem was solved. Albeit rather oddly.

Tristan, certain Serenity wanted whatever was under the couch, was determined to give her what she desired--clearly in hopes of winning her affection--by any means necessary. Including flipping the couch over with inhuman, caffiene-induced strength.

"Tristan! What the fuck're you doing?!" Joey barked, staring in total incredulity.

A small, bewildered, "Mrow?" was all Seto managed before he was seized roughly around the middle and pressed toward Serenity.

"Looking for this?" Tristan asked, focused entirely on the girl. He seemed utterly oblivious to Joey's angry swears at the damaged couch, which were being matched colorfully by Seto, outraged at such treatment.

Serenity was quick to rescue the kitten from Tristan's twitchy clutches, soft words coming quietly to soothe ruffled fur and nerves. Tristan struck a heroic pose, hands high on hips, clearly proud of his deed.

With a rush, Joey stuffed a few random items into his duffle bag before pushing Tristan out the door, Serenity being pulled along behind. The blonde clearly wanted to preserve what furniture remained, as the door was slammed and locked behind him with lightning speed. It was only after they had descended the building steps and were headed towards the waiting dark green SUV--belonging to a teacher-chauffeur--that Seto even realized.

'Wait! I'm not going. No way in Hell!' He made a great show of hissing, meowing, and squirming, but to no avail against Serenity's grip.

Joey, again correctly interpreting the furious mews, fixed Seto with a harsh look. "Rather have my dad as company? Or maybe an alley is more to your liking? Plenty of hungry dogs around who'd love a little snack."

All forms of escape ceased on the spot. Of the evils listed, camping was certainly the lesser.

Right?

Somehow, Seto just couldn't shake that forboding feeling.

'I should have gone with the alley option...'

"Why're you talking to a cat, Joey?" Tristan questioned as he climbed into the vehicle. "And why do you have a cat?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

* * *

"Do you want to make the fire or the tent, Joey?" Yugi eyed his blonde friend, currently busied with pulling Seto's tail when the CEO's back was turned. They were located in their new two-day home: a pleasant little grassy campsite complete with a large picnic table and barbeque, surrounded by trees, and the center reserved for a traditional firepit. Yami and Serenity were nowhere to be seen, having been selected by teachers to help unload the vehicles. The class had been split into groups of three, each given their own campsite. Yugi and Joey, not counting their companions, had the site assigned to just themselves--Tea, Tristan, and Ryou having been assigned their own (2)--as the class had an uneven number of students. After all, Seto Kaiba was, as far as teachers knew, not present.

"_Joey_." Yugi refrained from going all out and stomping his foot, but the whining tone had not been abandoned.

The other teen stopped in mid cat assault, amber eyes blinking in question. "Sorry. What, Yuge?" He winced slightly as Seto exacted his revenge with needlesharp fangs. He responded silently by knocking the cat off the table with a careless gesture.

Yugi shook his head, a small giggle coming from him. "Just go get the..." He trailed off, distracted by Seto. "Kaiba? What're you looking at?"

He received no form of response, the cat clearly concentrated on something else. What grabbed Yugi's attention was the way Seto had frozen, fur on end, ears pressed flat, and tail gone bottlebrush. Joey, turning to Kaiba at Yugi's question, yelped in fear. The shorter teen couldn't see from where he stood, but Joey could, seated at the table as he was.

Seto stood nearly nose to nose with a snake. And not your average garden snake, mind you. A very grumpy, just-awoken-from-a-nap rattlesnake, black reptilian tongue darting out to inspect the cat. Fortunately for Seto, the snake seemed to lose interest and turned away.

Unfortunately for Joey, it chose to eye him instead, determining the blonde to be the source of noise. No longer locking gazes with the limbless menace, Seto shook himself, blinking as if recovering from a trance. It took him but a second to assess the situation, and a second more to react.

He wasn't sure why he'd done it. Stupidity, bravery, feline instinct, or a combination of all. He'd make up an excuse later, but for now, he had a snake to handle. With the reptile distracted, it had been easy enough, considering how fast a cat could move when they really wanted to. The other animal obviously didn't see it coming, for it uttered a confused little hiss upon impact. Never had it known fangs sinking into its own flesh; it would have panicked at that alone, even if the cat hadn't been firmly latched on its far too vulnerable scaly neck.

With its windpipe being clamped as it was, the snake could manage nothing more than futile thrashing. Seto clung on, mind racing to find a probable solution. He didn't want to kill the snake, but if he released it now, it'd surely kill him. Preoccuied with such thoughts, he failed to brace himself as the snake's desparate writhing threw both against the metal post holding the barbeque up. Seto's head took the brunt of the hit, his grip on the serpent lost as he collapsed painfully. A triumphant hiss came from the reptile as it raised its sinuous head high in preparation to strike.

But the venomous fangs never got their chance as their owner was sent sailing through the air by a well-aimed shovel. Where it landed, no one knew, nor cared, so long as it was out of the campsite.

"Nice swing, Joey!" Yugi cheered as the blonde rested his new weapon on his shoulder.

Joey grinned in a victorious fashion, putting a hand to his forehead as he feigned searching the horizon. "He's outta here!" He was midway through a victory dance when he remembered Seto, and only after the pitifully small meow reached his ears. Two pairs of eyes, shifted to the grass below the barbeque. Yet, no sign of a fluffy white and silver kitten. It took no time at all to locate him, however, as he'd only managed a few steps and the jingling bell betrayed his location.

Just getting back on his four paws had been arduous enough, resulting in a baffled and miffed Seto. He'd always had a fairly high pain tolerance. So, why did one little collision with a pole rob him of all strength? Another difficult step toward no real destination. Who was talking to him? He couldn't quite make out the words past that persistant ringing. He shook his head, trying in vain to clear his fuzzied mind.

"Oy, Kaiba!" Joey called, overtaking Seto in one stride as the CEO stumbled over his own paws. Those infinitely blue eyes met with Joey's, filled with confusion and little recognition. A hesitant step was made for the blonde, paw faltering above the grass. Seto's vision swam, his mind dancing between consciousness and darkness. He fought it off valiantly, but the battle was long lost before Joey's hand descended to catch him.

Amber eyes and violet ones exchanged anxious glances over the minute white form curled limply in a single hand.

End of Chapter 6

* * *

KT: Oh no! Kitty concussion!

Seto: I blame the mutt.

KT: But it was the snake...

Seto: I still blame him.

* * *

(1) There is no particular reason for Tristan's mood. Suppose I just wanted to shake things up a bit.

(2) Quite frankly, I really can't stand writing Tea into anything, so I'll look for any way to get her out of the picture... And Tristan was scaring the others too much to keep around. Let's just ignore the fact that a less than intelligent teacher teamed up two boys and a girl who'll be fairly unsupervised outdoors...


	7. Cat Versus Wilderness Round Two

Be Careful What Mutts Wish For

* * *

**Disclaimer**: I don't own it. And I don't own Lassie either.

* * *

**Readers: **Somehow, I'm back. I've been neglecting all forms of writing for almost a year now, and I discovered this morning that I miss it terribly. So here I am, hopefully here long enough to provide a few more chapters.

* * *

**Warnings**: Be prepared. For butterflies. (No fictional animals were harmed in the typing of this fic).

* * *

Notes:

'Kitty speech'

"Normal speech_"_

/Hikari to Yami/

//Yami to Hikari//

"_Thoughts_"

* * *

Seto: ...You're alive?

KT: Surprising, huh?

Seto: It's been a year!

KT: Actually, only 364 days.

Seto: You can count too?!

* * *

Chapter 7: Cat Versus Wilderness Round Two

* * *

A full moon hung high in the sky, bathing all below in a snowy light. The lightest breeze danced in the air, rustling the leaves in the trees' dark branches. The only other sound that broke the silence was the chirping on unseen crickets as they serenaded night.

"_I hate crickets..._" It was the first thought to enter his mind, and it took him a moment before any memories registered. A dull throbbing on the back of his head forced an involuntary wince. _"But I hate snakes more..."_ Despite the chill of the night air, he noted that he wasn't at all cold, in fact he was comfortably warmed by a pleasant heat source nearby. Thin silver whiskers twitched as Seto opened his azure eyes, only to squeeze them shut again quickly. The heat source was the campfire, and he'd opened his eyes to be greeted by the far too bright flames. More cautious the second time, he tried again more slowly, allowing his vision to adjust to the light source. He glanced around the campsite, noting that Yami and Yugi were sound asleep in their tent, the front flaps left open as careless campers tended to do. The tent beside theirs, belonging to Serenity and Joey, was closed tightly, leaving Seto to assume the two Wheelers were asleep as well. With a yawn, he stretched, testing limbs for any injuries and discovering that he was resting on a dark green sleeping bag.

"You're finally awake?" a voice asked suddenly from behind, startling Seto into jumping to his paws and whirling around, the fur on his tail bristled. "Heh... sorry," Joey apologized sheepishly, shifting a bit closer to the fire. He sat on the sleeping bag, a thick fleece blanket draped over his shoulders to ward off the cold. "So... erm... Thanks." The blond seemed to be struggling to find the right words to address his rival-turned-cat-turned-savior,a nd kept his eyes on the campfire.

'Next time provoke a less deadly snake, Mutt,' Seto replied, turning back to the fire with a flick of his tail. He could have been more civil, yes. But it wasn't like Joey could understand anything he said currently anyways and the blond was likely to assume the negative out of habit.

Joey scowled, amber eyes flaring. "Oy! Don't call me Mutt! I was trying to thank you, you ass!" Both froze, turning to stare at each other. Joey shook his head, rubbing his ear. "Wait. Say something else."

'How about, "You're an idiot"?' Seto tried, working to keep the edge out of his voice. He gazed steadily up at Joey, the tip of his tail flicking from side to side as he waited.

The blond teen smirked at the cat. "Yeah, I'm notta idiot. But I might be crazy, since I can hear you loud and clear now." He shook his head vigorously in an attempt to clear his ears, although the action only resulted in further messing of his already disheveled hair. "Doesn't make any sense though, does it?"

Seto heaved a small kitty-sigh, ears flipping back in annoyance. 'Has any of this made sense yet?' Joey winced, a sheepish grin on his face as if to say "Oh, yeah..."

Joey, heaving a sigh of his own, flopped back on the sleeping bag, fixing his gaze on the clear night sky. Silence grew thick, punctured by the occasional crackle from the fire. Seto was certain Joey had fallen asleep and was in the process of doing the same when the teen's voice broke the silence. "Ya know, everyone was worried about you." With that, he turned over and went to sleep, leaving Seto to stare into the flames, lost in thought at such simple words.

* * *

A majestic Monarch butterfly flitted across the campground, its weaving flight path making it evident that there was no particular destination. Its only intent seemed to be riding the gentle breeze in tune with the early morning bird song. That is, until it floated past a fascinating creature. The butterfly seemed almost to do a double-take, winging backwards to hover over the tiny ball of fluff. Sure, a butterfly saw all kinds of interesting animals in the forest everyday, but it had never lain multi-faceted eyes on fur so pristinely white before. And that sleek tail, curled so perfectly around the delicate paws that currently hid silver muzzle and tiny pink nose. The butterfly couldn't leave this new sight untouched and daringly danced closer to the sleeping form. Pausing as if to take a breath to ready itself, the butterfly darted forward, landing on the tip of one perfeclty pointed ear.

Seto frowned slightly in his sleep, twitching an ear. The feathery weight disappeared a moment, only to return again on his other ear. Another flick of his ear and it left again. Just as he was settling back into sleep, he felt that light touch again, tickling at his nose. With a growl, he opened his eyes and found himself face-to-face with a mass of orange and black. He jumped back hastily, putting distance between him and his 'attacker'. It was only after he'd moved away did he see it was a harmless butterfly. 'Hmph. Idiot bug,' he huffed, sitting down and fixing the insect with a dark glare.

The butterfly fixed with with its own bug-glare, fluttering forward to rest on Seto's head. If bugs could laugh, it would likely be cackling maniacly. Seto shook his head furiously, dislodging the pest again only to have to land on the end of his tail. Baring his kitty fangs, Seto pounced at his attacker, both paws landing with open claws on his tail. He kept his paws folded over his tail, leaning down to peek under, hoping for the sight of a decimated butterfly. He saw only the tip of his tail as he felt that infuriating weight settle on his back. He froze, feeling the butterfly waltz its way up his back to where the band of his collar was; the butterfly paused, as if thinking, before moving forward and burrowing under the collar.

'You bastard!' Seto hissed, whipping around, fur on end. He shook himself, jangling the collar's bell loudly. The butterfly stayed smugly nestled under the collar, shifting only slightly as Seto scratched frantically at his neck.

"Ya got fleas or somethin', Kaiba?" Joey asked, called over to his sleeping bag by the general commotion. He stood watching Seto curiously, taking an occasional bite of a bagel as the cat battled furiously with his collar. After a moment longer--time enough to finish the bagel--Joey reached down, gripping Seto by the scruff and lifting him off the ground and up to eye level. Surprisingly, Seto only squirmed slightly as Joey shifted his collar up in search of the unseen harasser. "Gah!" the blond yelped in surprise as the butterfly charged at him, fluttering angrily before darting away with a huff. "What the hell...?" was all Joey could manage as he stared after the insect.

Seto exhaled in relief, ears drooping. 'I'll kill that bug if I see it again,' he vowed, sending a patented glare in the direction the butterfly had left.

Joey gave Seto a sidelong look, one brow arched. "You were fightin'... with a butterfly?" He tried to sound disbelieving, although an underlying tone of amusement was obvious. "You're gettin' weirder and weirder, Kaiba."

'Or maybe you're just getting stupider and stupider,' Seto retorted, tail flicking irritably.

"Ya wanna find out if cats always land on their feet?" Joey warned, lifting Seto a bit higher to show his current advantage.

"Joey!" The blond and cat turned to face the voice and saw no one. A few seconds passed before they looked down to see Yugi glowering up at them, his small foot tapping impatiently on the grass. The shorter teen fixed them with his sternest look, although it didn't come off as all too threatening from such wide violet eyes. A snarling mouse would be more alarming. Although the sight was comical, cat and dog both knew better than to laugh. An angry Yugi was a dangerous Yugi.

"W-what's up, Yug?" Joey asked, trying on a smile to appease his small friend.

"Ignore him, Joey," Yami said as he strode regally up to stand beside Yugi, resting a hand on his aibou's shoulder. "He's just in a bad mood because a rabbit got in the tent last night and chewed some of his Duel Monster cards up." The smile on the ex-pharaoh's face was evident that he found this amusing.

Yugi frowned, half-smiling up at Yami. "At least a raccoon didn't make off with my entire deck."

Yami's smile faded completely, some of the color draining from his face. "... What?" A hand went frantically to his belt, checking for the leather pouch that faithfully carried the deck of cards. Empty. "What does a raccoon look like? I'm going to hunt it down and execute it!" He set his crimson gaze on the surrounding trees, making ready to storm straight into them to rescue back his deck-in-distress. A tugging on the back of his shirt halted him as Yugi pulled him back a step. The shorter boy smiled up at Yami, waving the unharmed deck towards him.

"It was just a joke, Yami," Yugi explained, letting the Egyptian snatch back his deck and shuffle through it.

"Aibou-" Yami began, although what he intended to say was interrupted by the sharp blow of a whistle. All heads turned in to the direction of the noise to see one of the teachers waving at them to hurry up.

"Oh, yeah. We're supposed to go hikin', right?" Joey said as he followed Yami and Yugi to the teacher. He paused at a small boulder nestled in with the treeline, placing Seto down on it. "Stay outta trouble, and don't go gettin' yourself lost!" He instructed, hurrying off to catch up with the gathering group of students.

Seto scoffed, lifting his chin up in a superior manner. 'Does he think I'm an idiot?'

* * *

'I'm not lost, only idiots get lost...' Seto told himself in almost a mantra as he picked his way through the forest undergrowth. He wasn't sure what posessed him to even go into the woods, but he was there now and seemed to just keep going in the wrong direction with every step he took. With irritation he flicked a wet leaf that tried desperately to cling to his tail.

Preoccupied by dislodging the leaf, Seto didn't see that the ground dropped away just in front of him; however, he certainly felt it when he found himself tumbling down the small hill, coming to a halt sprawled out on a leaf-strewn dirt path, his nose connecting with a metal post. With a groan, he climbed to his paws, glaring up at the post; it was a sign post, holding a large yellow sign with bold black lettering blazed across it:

"**BEWARE OF MOUNTAIN LIONS**"

'That's comforting,' Seto remarked, rereading the sign once more. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he surveyed the path he now stood on. It looked like it had been unused for a considerable time, but a path still led to civilization. But which way to go... With a sigh, Seto sat down, his tail curling around his paws to rest in front of him, still flicking from side to side. 'All right. You decide, Tail.' As if in answer to Seto's demand, his tail flicked a few more times before coming to rest pointing to his right. 'Works for me,' Seto said aloud, returning to his feet and heading off in that direction.

_"Hooooot," _an owl called from somewhere amongst the trees, startling the cat enough to hasten his pace. From farther off, a lonely wolf answered the owl with a chilling howl that made Seto's fur stand on end. A rabbit darted onto the path in front of him, twitching its whiskers once at the strange animal before bolting into a nearby shrub. From the dirt embankment beside the path, a small red fox yapped inquisitively at Seto, as if asking what a cat was doing in the woods. 'Nature'd be more serene if you all learned to use e-mail,' Seto snapped back in answer to the fox, receiving a small bark and wave of its bushy tail in response.

Seto continued down the path, ears lying flat against his head as more forest creatures pestered him with their various calls and noises. He was at his last straw when a twig snapped loudly to his left, pushing him past his limit. 'Will you shut up already?!' he demanded, whipping around to face the animal and finding himself staring at the broken twig, crushed beneath an immense paw. Following the paw upward, he locked gazes with the golden eyes of a young mountain lion, the animal's mouth hanging slightly open to reveal ivory fangs.

The lion lifted its massive head a bit, sniffing at the air curiously before looking back down at the cat. Its rounded black ears perked forward as it licked its muzzle once, a soft growl coming from deep in its throat.

Seto took a single step back, realizing as he did so that the incredible feline before him could close the distance in a single bound. And the puma was preparing to do just that when the unexpected happened. The animal's vision was suddenly clogged by a mass of rippling orange and black, and instinctively the cougar backed up, the colors following and blocking all other sights. Hissing, the mountain lion continued to move backwards, trying to pull away from the colored blindfold. With a frustrated growl, the animal turned tail and disappeared into the shrubbery. Seto stared in a mixture of awe and disbelief at his protector, the very butterfly that had harrassed him earlier.

'That didn't just happen...' he breathed, utterly bewildered. But as if to prove it had happened, the butterfly flitted to him, landing delicately on his head. It flicked its wings once, brushing his ears. 'I don't suppose, being the supernatural insect that you are, you'd know the way back to the campgrounds?' Seto asked, more as a way of settling his nerves rather than in search of an actual answer.

But an answer he got in the form of the insect flapping away from him down the path, turning back to move towards him again before continuing on. It repeated its dance back and forth, urgent and eager. If the butterfly had been a dog, anyone would have asked if Timmy had fallen in the well again.

Seto blinked, shaking his head. 'Did I just see that?' With a shrug, he stood and shook himself. 'Nothing makes sense anymore.' With one glance behind him at where the cougar had stood moments ago, he hurried after the butterfly.

* * *

End of Chapter 7

* * *

KT: Ms. B's a hero!

Seto: You named the bug?

KT: Of course!

Seto: Insane. You're completely insane.


End file.
